Mudamuli Ntikita Ntikita

This World is Meant for them

2011-12-20T23:46:00.000-08:00

Straka, JK Kazoora, Mel, Sean and Golola have one thing in common - confidence! And that's why they'll move to even greater heights and achieve all their dreams. And I mean all.

Our Children are not Us

2011-12-20T00:01:00.001-08:00

Our children don't have to be friends with our friend's children no matter how great the friendship because our children are not us. In fact, none of our children may be anything like us.

The art of knowing who else likes a man that is vibing you

2011-12-19T23:59:00.000-08:00

1. If you're all on facebook, keep putting up cheesy posts about him or for him. The one who has 'WTF' in her comment and goes on to tell you to inbox is suspect number one.
2. She sends you a friend request as soon as you have put up a cheesy post on his wall
3. She comments on every post you put up concerning him

At 37, how to put off 25-28 year olds off your back

2011-12-19T23:58:00.000-08:00

1. If you're both on facebook, advertise his name for the younger chics to notice him
2. Cut off inboxes, phone calls and all communication
3. Talk about your abnormal tendencies and symptoms of menopause

Lies

2011-12-18T23:20:00.000-08:00

In the early stages of a relationship, when you are both strangers to each other, learn to take whatever he tells you with a pinch of salt coz more often than not, he's lying through his teeth. And oh, how skillfully they'll do it! It's like it's in their DNA to lie papap!

The Turn-Offs

2011-12-18T23:19:00.001-08:00

The things men do to put me off:-
1. Lying about anything be it their marital status or their feelings for you or their age
2. Talking about love, sex and marriage in the first week of communication and before he has even met you
3. Talking or demanding for sex every time you chat or meet. Surely, there's more to life than sex
4. Flirting with you or any female around him
5. Fake voice or forced accent or both
6. Calm, quiet, nice and polite like me
7. Etc

Why I like some guys

2011-12-18T23:13:00.000-08:00

1. Keeps his texts, emails and inboxes short. Rarely more than one sentence
2. He's honest
3. Never makes any promises he wont keep
4. Never starts the relationship with talk about love, sex and marriage
5. Doesn't flirt with anyone
6. Always talks about his passion. It could be music, sports, politics, etc
7. Hardworking
8. Intelligent
9. Great voice
10. Liberal mind
11. Loud, noisy and cheerful
12. Teases me a lot

Msschwrrr!

2011-02-08T07:24:00.000-08:00

Three men from a certain electricity company have just been here yelling for me to come out and then ask for my receipts. When I bring them, their ring leader says, 'Naye mama. Simanyi oba lwakuba obera eyo munzikiza. Nga onyirira!' Instead I answered, 'Lindako. Kilabiko ndeseyo receipts za last month.'

Fake!!

One of them is the one I suspect stole our circuit breaker two weeks ago. Two of them were in uniform but they really looked like trickstars oh. And they were there banging KB about some lady who refused to leave her husband's house saying it was also hers.

Fake just!

You are not Alone Oh Single Lady

2010-05-14T13:08:00.001-07:00

Just as some lady out there is about to conclude that she’s abnormal because of her fear for painful sex with her generously endowed boyfriend, some women at a workshop for women leaders are demanding for a clause allowing them to divorce men with big sexual organs.

I thought it did not matter what size a male's organ is because all women can adjust to whatever size. So now what are they trying to say?

They also complained that most husbands demand for sex during the day without considering the presence of their children. No wonder this pastor had to lecture church ladies here about not giving it to their husbands any time of the day.

Note this, oh you lady that fears to give in to your boyfriend’s demands. Yes, before marriage. If you think you are the only one who doesn’t know what your boyfriend’s member looks like, you’ve got another think coming. Some married women do not know what their husband’s look like naked!

So you want to give in to your boyfriend for the sake of having a baby? You are not alone. Some married women have sex for procreation only.

On a serious note, could the examples above be as a result of sexual abuse in earlier years? Or is it that more and more women are becoming frigid because of the way in which society has portrayed sex as evil?

Lets See...What is Bothering Me?

2010-04-04T08:02:00.000-07:00

There are so many things bothering me these days. Things that make my world depressing.

1. There’s the whining volunteer at work
2. The pressure to get a husband from my bosses
3. Cruise and his games
3. Then the men in my life are either M. A or of the P.A and/or virtual, all of which is not only risky but lethal.
4. Mom is beginning to complain about the time I spend on the internet at home. I spend most of my time at home on the internet.

I guess the real reason why I am depressed is because I miss him. It felt sad to leave him. I tried my best to convince myself that I did the right thing but I could not. I feel as though I am having a nightmare and each time I wake up, I find myself in yet another bad dream. When will I wake up from this dream? I wish I could have sweet dreams instead. Sometimes I see him in my dreams but each time he leaves me worried and sad.

I Lost My Mojo

2010-03-20T12:42:00.001-07:00

I thought that by blocking the phone that has my UTL line or MTN line and getting myself a Zain line that is known only to five close friends and family on a new phone, I had dealt away with the problem of receiving calls from strangers.

This morning, I found four missed calls on the phone with a Zain line. It was a strange Zain number. At 10:30 p.m, the same person rang.

‘Olyotya nyabo,’ said a strange and tedious voice on the other end.
‘Gyendi sebbo,’ I replied. ‘Who is this?’
‘Nze boyfriend wo,’ he replied.
‘Wrong number,’ I said.
‘Wrong number?’

I hang up and switched off the phone. Problem is this type of phone does not have the provision for me to block those numbers that are not on my accepted list like the phone with the UTL line. I am sure this person is going to make it a habit to keep calling endlessly even when I am dead asleep.

Meanwhile, I deactivated my facebook account but I get the feeling I will find myself reactivating it by the end of this day. That is unless, I find another distraction.

The truth is, I need a life. I can no longer blog or tweet like I used to. I lost my mojo. All I want is a new job. Maybe then I will be able to blog again.

How I Survived Entering a Sexual Network

2010-02-13T10:46:00.000-08:00

It is finally over. My two weeks of friendship with a man who is living with his girlfriend and three children. Even though I never got to meet him face to face, it felt as if I already had and it was the most scary thing I have ever had to go through. Is there any manual on how to be a mistress to a man who is already committed to someone else? I do not expect one to be there because it is wrong in the first place. But internet tegwayo. When I googled it, I actually found some links on how to be a mistress to a married man. I know. It is a sick world I tell you.

I will not go into the details of how our friendship started because that would be revealing too much. At first I did not give him much thought when we began chatting two weeks ago after I had asked him how one could buy his book and he had promised to give me a free copy. But when I read chapter one of his book aloud, even my Mom was blown away. I told her about him and what he does now. I knew then that it would be very difficult for me to run away from his advances. So on Thursday when I did not hear from him, it gave me some breathing space to think through this friendship hence my letter to Sanyu FM Breakfast. I was so desperate that I sent it through my phone just before I went to sleep.

‘Dear Sanyu Breakfast,’ it read. ‘I'm not sure my letter will get through or if I'll be able to listen to your advice if you read it. Anyway, last week I met an interesting man who wants to date me. Problem is, he lives with his girlfriend and they have 2 children. The youngest is a 5 months old baby. I'm tempted to give in to him just so I can have a baby since I'm 35, childless and single. I have given up on marriage but I want to have my own child. He says he would be willing to look after the baby. Problem is, I live with my mom and I don't know how I'm going to manage dating this guy and having his baby while I'm living with her. I don't want to worry or disappoint her. At the same time, I don't want his girlfriend to ever find out about me. I don't want to hurt her but the man keeps pestering me to go out with him and I'm beginning to fall for him. What should I do? He says he's not happy with his girlfriend. Tina’

Ladies blasted me. Men laughed at me. ‘How can a 35 year old still be living with their Mom?’ they asked. Most ladies told me to look for my own man and the men asked me to find my own place to stay. One lady told me to get a test tube baby. Another one said what I needed was a man and not a baby because there are so many men out there who would be willing to give me a baby. The ladies seemed to agree on the fact that this man I was tempted to date was telling me lies about being tired of his girlfriend because if that were true, he would have left his girlfriend. I thought to myself 'what about his children and the 3 months old baby? Of course he can't leave them. He will never leave them and I don't expect him to.' Then Fat Boy (yeah he has a blog so go welcome him. I was the first to do so) said something to the effect that staying with my Mom makes it difficult for a guy to take me out. That the moment I tell them who I live with, all they see is ‘police.’

Of course none of them knew that I had changed a few facts in the story or it would have been too obvious who he was. They also did not know that I had been living on my own for 10 years before I moved in with my Mom in April last year. So it is even a good thing that I live with my Mom because that has kept away all sorts of issues including men.

Later on in the day, he called me. I told him I could not continue with our friendship. I told him I had been looking at his photos and the one of his second born daughter and baby broke my heart. I could not interfere with such a beautiful family. He said many things which I will not repeat because I know they were lies. In spite of the fact that I knew he was lying, by the end of that day, he had managed to make me feel guilty for hurting him and so I gave him the green light. This followed a series of sweet nothings and promises we both knew we would probably never keep like good sex, hotel room adventures, late nights, seductive phone calls, exciting secret dates, gifts and the thrill of doing something bad.

Then today he said something that gave me a good excuse to run without feeling guilty about leading him on. He said he was a control freak.

Ha ha ha. He and I are both melancholies so our friendship would not have lasted long enough. Melancholies are often romantics and love finding things to be depressed about. As soon as I finished putting up this post, we talked again and as we continued our melancholy quarrel from where we had stopped, he emailed me UB40's 'Dream a Lie.' I had been trying to download it all day and failing after he had sent me the lyrics and told me he had been listening to it. He said he knew I would be as depressed as he was if I listened to it. I could sense that he was really hurt. We melancholies love too much and that is why we get hurt so easily. Anyway, my friendship with this man is over.

Why the Sexual Network May Never be Stopped

2010-01-31T07:50:00.000-08:00

In my last post, I was bothered about the fact that men keep lying to me. I am over that because I realised that they have to lie with the hope of getting what they want from me. Luckily, none has succeeded so far. This perpetual lying by men is the reason why I think the ‘get out of the sexual network’ strategy or ‘be faithful to your sexual partner’ is a lost cause.

The truth of the matter is if you read the minds of most married men you would find that most of them wish for opportunities to have sex all the time not only with their wives but with other women. Of course no man will admit this to his wife because that would be asking for trouble. Why ask for a fight when you can avoid it?

Given the chance, most married men would have an affair with different women if they were sure they would never be caught. A few daring ones make it a point to have an affair as often as they want to regardless of whether they will be caught by their wives or not.

That is why according to the most recent data, HIV incidence [new infection] rates are highest among couples in long-term relationships when one or both partners also have other sexual relationships at the same time.

The ‘abstinence’ strategy is another lost cause because most Ugandan men cannot live without sex. Asking them to abstain is like asking a lion to stop eating meat and eat plants only. It cannot happen. I was talking to Cruise last week and when he told me about the new infection rates from his survey, I asked him, ‘So are you saying that it is only the saved guys who are abstaining from sex?’ He said, ‘In fact the saved ones are the worst culprits because their sexual relationships are kept secret.’ Those were his words not mine.

The condom strategy seems not to be practical in a situation where a couple has been going out for many years or in a situation where the couple is married. Using a condom in such a scenario would be like saying you do not trust your partner.

Lessons Learnt

2010-01-10T05:01:00.000-08:00

There are three things bothering me today.

One, things are never what they appear to be. Like that couple that appears to be happy together. They seem made for each other. The truth is, although the man is your regular prince charming of the tall, dark and handsome fame, he has a few weird issues about him. For starters, he does not like kids because he does not see any point in bringing another human being into an already overpopulated world to suffer the way he suffered. Then he has no stable job and hopes that by dating a rich lady like you, you might be able to give him some money to buy himself a car.

Two, I am always being lied to. Like that man who is always complaining about being lonely and never having any women to sleep with. The truth is, even as he complains about being lonely, he is trying to date an under aged girl probably because he will not have to worry about being in a serious relationship that will lead to marriage. He can always say to the girl, ‘You are too young to marry. I’ll wait for you to finish your studies first. Let’s not have children now. I still need to make money for us.’

Three, when will I ever learn to stop giving out my phone number and email address even if my phone is blocked from receiving any calls apart from those on my accepted list? For the last two weeks I have been receiving phone calls from strange numbers and text messages from one of these numbers. I found out from a friend when he called the number that it was a man who claimed to be my friend. However, he could not spell my name right and would not tell me who he was. When I asked Cruise about it, he saved the number on his phone and assured me that he could find out who the person was. I am yet to ask Cruise if he found out because I do not want to talk to him. I have been ignoring him every time I am called to the office. He tries his best to come and greet me but responding to his greeting is as far as I will let him in.

On second thoughts, these three things should not bother me because they have helped me learn a few lessons about life. Next time, I will not be that naive.

Cucumber Ka Nkubulire I Do Not Need Such

2009-12-22T01:33:00.001-08:00

Dear Cucumber,

Christmas is here but I do not have the guts for it. I wish I had a boyfriend. But yeah, I have wished for that every Christmas since my college days because it so happens that each time a guy decides he likes me, he dumps me just before Christmas.

I want to leave my job but I have failed to get a new one. My first boss is coming back in May 2010. He’s been in the U.S studying for his PhD for seven years. I do not want him to find me still at my job. Can you imagine the drama? How will he and Boss A get along? At least Boss B may be gone by then.

When I realised that I am going to be on holiday until January 18 2010, I decided to ask Boss B if I could take the office laptop home and then buy an Orange modem. So far I am not complaining apart from Sunday afternoon when I could not access the internet. However, the problem was sorted out as soon as I called Orange customer care.

Cucumber, is Olara Otunnu the only eligible bachelor of his age around? I need a guy of his age but more interesting. A man who has seen that, done that and wants to settle down. These young ones like Cruise still have maddu for trying out different women before they marry. Cucumber ka nkubulire, I do not need such.

Mudamuli

Cruise and Flo Thank Me Before Boss B Part 3

2009-12-17T08:13:00.000-08:00

Today, I interrupted Cruise's meeting to give him my phone so he could listen to a song I had composed for Flo. Earlier on, I had asked him to come out so I could sing it to him but we couldn’t find a quiet place for me to do that. Dave and one of our other business partners suggested that I send him a voice mail but I could not because I was not on MTN.

In the end, I recorded it on my phone and took it to him. Later on, when he came out to pick something from the library, Flo arrived. I sent our intern to pick my phone and African Bible Commentary from his office. Cruise tried to protest about my taking back the commentary but I said to him, “I wrote my name on it and I don’t want your future wife to start sending me threatening messages.”

“Mudamuli! Why are you being like this? You just give it to me.” I refused.

At 4 p.m, Cruise finally heard my song and boy, did he blush! He listened as my phone went:

Did you know that Cruise is a special guy?
You make him happy!
You better let it stay that way.
Don't disappoint him X2.
Be a good wife to him.

“Mudamuli, this is so nice. I didn’t know you had such a lovely voice. And that you could sing. What is that last sentence on the song? Be a good girl?”

“Wife!” I said to him and he tapped me on the back and laughed before running off with my phone.

Meanwhile, Boss A and B saw that little gesture but pretended to be aloof.

He was on his way to see Flo because she wanted to use his phone to send mobile money to someone. I gave him my phone so that Flo could listen to the song.

And guess what? A few minutes later, I was at my desk when I saw the two lovebirds at my door. I welcomed them in.

They did not know Boss B was in but it was too late for them to do anything so they stood before us. Flo thanked me for the song. As soon as I had said, “You are welcome” she ran away with Cruise at her heels but Boss B called him back. He demanded that he introduce her. So I told Boss B that Flo was his girlfriend. I could sense that Cruise wanted to kill me for saying that but this is his teacher so he chose to keep his cool.

Cruise was dying with shyness as he said to Boss B, "Yes, she is mine."

Boss B said, "She is not yours. Have you seen her father?" to which Cruise laughed but we both agreed that she makes him happy. 'You can see it in his body language,' Boss B said.

“I sang his girlfriend a song and that is why she was thanking me,” I said to Boss B as Cruise tried to stop me from talking.

“Ok,” he said and Cruise walked away.

After what happened today, I can assure you that for as long as Cruise works and lives in this compound, he will think twice before he flirts with me or any other lady here again because the cat is out of the bag.

Secondly, he might end up marrying Flo quicker than he had planned to because he will not have the guts to waste her time.

Breaking News – Cruise and Flo Thank Me Before Boss B Part 2

2009-12-17T08:10:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I found Cruise’s friend Dave in his office. He is a guy who said to me, “ Your boyfriend is going to chuck you” after I told him I was not going to attend a function we had organized at Imperial Royale Hotel last week. Remember, Cruise started a networking business in which he involved me and three others? Dave is one of them.

“Am I his girlfriend? Wow, I didn’t know we were in a relationship.”

“Well, from the way Cruise has been acting around you, I thought he was. Maybe I am just a guy who takes things too seriously. Maybe I was wrong.”

“Yeah, you must have imagined things,” I said.

Back to yesterday, I found Dave in Cruise’s office and greeted Cruise first and then him. As usual Cruise was calling me his sweetheart and asking for a hug but I ignored him and said to Dave, “Have you met Flo? Cruise introduced me to Flo yesterday and then told me she was his girlfriend.”

“That’s not true,” Cruise said.

“I am so disappointed. I thought the two of you would make such a good couple,” Dave said.

“It wouldn’t have worked,” I said to Dave.

“Why?”

“First of all, I am older than him among other things.”

“That’s a lie. Mbu among other things.”

I asked Cruise for something he had promised to give me and as I was leaving his office I said to Dave, “Flo is good. She doesn’t borrow things from Cruise.”

At around 10 a.m, Boss A took me and my colleagues at work to a guest house out of town for an evaluation exercise. We did not know where he was taking us but I prayed for strength to write the minutes without any problem. It turned out to be fun. We had nice breakfast and lunch. Thank God I was able to focus on the meeting without thinking about Cruise even though his name cropped up in the meeting since he is also our student.

Breaking News – Cruise and Flo Thank Me Before Boss B Part One

2009-12-17T08:08:00.000-08:00

By the time I write this, all my tweeps and facebook friends may already know this story. It so happens that on Tuesday, I had gone to borrow something from Cruise’s office. When I got there, I found Cruise and a lady in deep conversation. This was the third time I was seeing her and each time Cruise introduces her, he wears a big grin on his face and says, “Have you met Flo? Have I told you about her? Yes, enjoy.”

This time he said the same thing except he added “Mudamuli is very shy” to which Flo was quick to add, “No, she’s not.”

When I went to his office a few hours later, I found him alone.

“So…what is this between you and Flo?” I asked.

Cruise laughed and said, “I told you about her, Mudamuli.”

“No you never. You think we are that close?”

“I told you about her the first time I took you out. I told you there was this girl I had proposed to but she kept dodging me. For two years she has refused my advances until now. “

“Oh, really? You never told me about her. So, now that you have a good job why don’t you say yes to her.”

Cruise smiled and said, “I have.”

“And when were you going to tell me about her?”

“I was going to tell you,” he said.

“So when is the wedding?”

Cruise surprise written on his face. “Mudamuli!”

“Anyway, it is good that you have told me. But next time don’t flirt with a lady like you did with me. Another lady might not recover from the heart break as easily as I will. Infact, Cruise. Until I have healed, avoid coming to my office to ask me to do anything for you.”

“But Mudamuli. Why?”

“The other time you introduced me to your brother and sister as your wife, was it a joke? Is that how you joke with them?”

“Yeah, ofcourse they know I am not seeing someone. They knew I was joking.”

“Cruise, you are a bad guy but I thank God He warned me to guard my heart against you.”

“But Mudamuli, the fact is I like you and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. I just do. But you never gave me any indication that you liked me back. Flo was playing hard to get but she continued calling me.”

“That’s ok, Cruise. Remember those days just before I went to London and after I came back? You used to call me every night until I stopped you. I thank God I did because if you had kept that on, I would have started having feelings for you and today I would have been broken beyond repair if you had told me about Flo.”

“Mudamuli!”

“Last weekend I told Mom everything about you and she told me not to take you seriously. I even blogged about you and everyone said you had not proposed to me yet.”

“Ok. Mudamuli. Why don’t we go out some time?”

“No. I don’t have that kind of time anymore. I promised myself that the man I will take home to see my Mom and the man who will take me out will be my husband. I am not young anymore. I have a weak heart. Mom still needs me alive. I don’t want to die from depression and heart break. If you really want to help me, find me a nice older man.”

“I can get you a man but please, let’s sort this out first.”

“There is nothing to sort out. In fact, forget about getting me a guy. God will do that if He wants to. I am happy for you but remember he who laughs last laughs best. Today you have found someone. You never know one day, you will be there to see me happy beside someone who loves me and you will celebrate with me.”

Just then our intern came in to say our volunteer from the UK needed my help with his computer. He had lost his document. I got up to leave Cruise’s office.

“Mudamuli, we are still talking,” he said.

“We shall finish later,” I said.

“I am sorry, Mudamuli if I hurt you.”

“Who said I am hurt? Look at me, if I was hurt, I would be crying. Do you see any tears? I would even be going home now but look, I am going to my office to finish my work as if nothing has happened.”

Of course I cried that evening and night when I got home. I told Mom everything but she did not say a word. She just stared at me and so I walked away.

Ignoramus

2009-12-10T02:48:00.001-08:00

Ignoramus did not budge. Even after we had told him, Aunt Trudy was not in. We told him she had traveled to Kisumu and we did not think she was returning soon. Kisumu was one and a half hours from where we lived so he decided to wait for her. This young man was not afraid of our Mom who was there on her sewing machine. It was a case of super gluing because my aunt had shown this young man many times that she was not interested in his advances. I never understood why my aunt could not just tell him ‘you man, I am not interested in you.’

Ignoramus happened to be my classmate Anne’s brother. They were both tall, dark with a significantly sized mouth. I liked Anne even though she was not my friend as such but Ignoramus I could not stand because my aunt did not like him at all.

After waiting for 3 hours, lunch was served. We invited Ignoramus to join us. My aunt was in our bedroom reading a novel all that time. My sister and I kept sneaking into the bedroom to talk to her. She was hungry and wanted us to send her food. Since Ignoramus would have seen us taking a plate from the kitchen to the bedroom and put two and two together, we decided to pass it through the bedroom window from outside.

Ignoramus left after lunch. But came back very early the next day. Igno! This time my aunt came out to greet him. They talked for some time then my aunt asked me to walk with her as she escorted him home. We lived in the Kaimosi Girls High School staff houses because my Mom was a teacher there. I thought we were only going to walk up to the school gate and say bye to him. Instead, we walked all the way to Cheptulu, a few miles away.

I did not know what annoyed me more. Being made to walk all the way to Cheptulu for a man, my aunt did not care for or having to listen to their 'You did – I did not ' conversation.

“From here I am going home to sleep,” he said.

“And then hit the bar in the evening for a drink,” my aunt said.

“I don’t drink.”

“You do.”

“I don’t.”

“You do.”

“I don’t.”

How Do Men Propose?

2009-11-27T05:22:00.000-08:00

There was something looming about the air that day. He had taken me out for a treat. We ended up in two restaurants in Wandegeya because the first one did not have roasted pork. We decided to order for something else other than pork because this restaurant did not have any either. He hardly touched his food and was intent on watching me eat mine.

I was young and inexperienced. He was my first boyfriend and fiancé although I had not yet introduced him to my family. I had never had my heart broken by anyone outside my immediate family. The only heartbreak I knew was when Mom forgot to buy me some grown up like pumps when I was ten. Or the time I could not join Aunt Trudy and her friend to a camp in Mombasa because I was not yet thirteen. What did I know about life apart from home, boarding school and college? I had just started my first job out of college.

“On our wedding day, we shall hire a limousine,” he said in a tone I found mocking. I decided it must be one of his weird ways of expressing himself.

“Really? That would be nice,” I said. In my heart, I was like ‘Yeah, yeah. As if it really matters what type of car we hire. Kyoka Ugandans!’ Then aloud I said, “But Doe. Why would you want to marry me of all people?”

“Because you are smart. We can accomplish a lot together.”

‘Huh?’ I thought to myself. ‘This is not how it is in movies.’

He lived in Ntinda. I lived in Kisaasi. He decided to come home with me to say hi to my landlord and his wife. He is the one who had brought me to this house because the landlord was his friend and tribes mate.

The road to Kisaasi was dusty and full of potholes. He kept complaining about it throughout the journey. I found this funny because a few months before, I was the one whining about the road when he took my friend and me to see the house I was to rent. When we reached home, he went to the landlord’s house and talked to him for a while. Afterwards, he came out and I decided that since I was bored, I would pass by his house.

His father and cousin were there having tea so we joined them. His father kept saying something to him in their language and his cousin kept laughing as she looked at me. I got the feeling that his father did not like me and was telling him he did not want him to marry a Gishu girl or something to that effect. I decided to let it pass since I could not prove anything.

Later on in the evening, Doe escorted me back home through a shortcut, which was within walking distance of my house. The air was cool enough for a nice evening walk. I loved taking walks. It reminded me of my teenage days when my sister and I would take long walks through Bwenkoma village in Mbarara before ending up at our friends’ house where we played scrabble, watched a movie and returned home.

“Mudamuli, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you today but I could not find the right words,” Doe said just as we were about to reach my house.

I stopped and looked at him. A feeling of dread swept over me. The threatening air that I had felt earlier on in the day returned suddenly with full force. I waited for him to finish talking.

“I am not going to marry you. I am sorry,” he said.

“Please tell me you are joking Doe,” I said in a weak voice.

“I am serious, Mudamuli. I cannot marry you.”

“Then what was this evening all about? The talk about our wedding especially?”

“I am sorry. I have been praying about us for months and during the time I was in South Africa, I felt within me that you are not the right person for me. I do not want to hinder your progress in your career. Marrying me would mean leaving your career and working with me full time. (He took in a deep breath). The other day in my village, I visited my friend and his wife. As they escorted me back home, I saw a vision of this girl I am supposed to marry. She is a minister’s daughter.”

I did not wait to listen to the rest of his story. I sat down on the dusty road and wailed. I cried as if my heart would break. He offered to hold my hand and walk me home.

“Just go away. Leave me alone,” I said to him.

“Let me at least reach you home safely.”

“Go!”

And then in that mocking tone of his he said, “Mudamuli, why don’t you just accept to sleep with me? You never know, I might change my mind.”

“Get out of my sight you filthy rug before I break your neck,” I said between tears. Three weeks later a minister’s daughter introduced him.

Nine years later, Doe was suspended from his job and Cruise replaced him. The strange thing is that Cruise has also told me that he wants to marry me because I can help him in his business.

“You don’t mind that I don’t love to cook? By the way, what do men want in a wife apart from sex?”

“I don’t know about other men but for me I want a woman who can help me in my work. If you want a cook then marry Mimi,” he said.

Mimi is a cook at my work place. She has a true kiganda figure and a big bottom but her food is far from tasty. We prefer her boss’ cooking. However, her boss only cooks when we have workshops or seminars.

“Mudamuli, you are mine,” he said. He has said this to me so many times but something within me does not believe him. I fear that history is about to repeat itself. What if he disappoints me like Doe at the last minute?

I'm wondering why Cruise said to his sister yesterday, 'Mudamuli might be your in-law' and then to his brother 4 months ago, 'Muda is my wife. She might be shocked to hear this.' I took it as a joke both times. Naye is this how young men of today propose? I've hahad.

My Hair

2009-11-02T06:25:00.000-08:00

I am my father’s daughter for sure because I took his brown and kinky hair. The only other person in our family with this kind of hair is Moses, my nephew. His hair has always been a subject of concern. One person even said to my sister, “Thank goodness, he’s a boy. What poor quality hair he has! I can’t imagine a girl with such hair.”

As soon as my Mom saw my nephew’s hair, she went down memory lane. “This is Mudamuli’s hair. I used to put olive oil in it to be able to comb it easily. The thing with Olive oil is that it doesn’t have a nice smell,” she said to my sister. I was shocked to hear this from my sister because Mom has never admitted that to me of course. No one ever told me to my face that I had such poor quality hair until my A-level when a friend said to me, “But Mudamuli. Your hair doesn’t grow. It’s real poor quality kaweke.” By then I thought she had ‘nugu’ about my hair not growing because whenever I hot combed my hair, it would be long. Then people would say, “The way your hair coils itself, one can think it doesn’t grow.”

Before I decided to perm my hair 13 years ago, my hair would coil itself and look like dots of brown steel wool. I remember my sister saying to my Dad one day “Daddy! You haven’t combed your hair!” And he laughed because he had. Our hair (Daddy’s and mine) always looked liked it had not been combed however much we combed it.

After 13 years of straight perm, my once thick and kinky hair is thinning out and breaking. At this rate, I am thinking of growing dreadlocks.

Flu is to Blame for this here post

2009-10-28T06:57:00.000-07:00

It is my birthday today. I am old! Yikes!

I am alone in the office with a very bad flu.

My sister was the first person to call me this morning to wish me a happy birthday followed by Cruise and my ex-boyfriend. The only present I got was from Cruise. It was a nice card and a piece of glass with a flower inside. Then I chucked him over something to do with facebook and his complicated status.

I am not going to do anything special today.

The last time I felt like it was my birthday was when I turned twelve. That was the last time I ever had a real birthday party. After my twelfth birthday, I always treated this day like any other because when I was still in school it often found people on ‘stavey’. When I started working, my birthday found people broke.

Thank you Normzo, Jny, LBMugema, and Therisingpage for my birthday greetings on twitter.

Looking Back

2009-10-19T06:07:00.001-07:00

Maybe a few years from now I will look back to this time and say,Cruise came to my life at my lowest moment. He came to me when I was hurt. Not by the fact that my job was insecure or that I was low in finances. What hurt me was the fact that I wanted nothing to do with my idols and they like any idol did not give a damn about it. After all, they did not ask me to be their fan. They had too many fans to be bothered about one like me. They were going places, you see.

I no longer had free access to internet so I had to resort to blogging from my phone. Most of my favorite radio presenters were in different shows which I found boring. Boss B was about to leave our work place. Now that I had been made a part time worker, I needed to find a new job but I had no idea how I was going to find one with my diploma in Secretarial Science.

Each time I looked in the mirror, I saw age creeping on me. I was a few days from reaching that age above which it is said to be dangerous to give birth yet I had no children of my own.

Cruise came to my life when I was no longer a youth. He found me when I was in a crisis but not as big as the one he was in. His status was what facebook would call 'it's complicated.' '

When Cruise came to my life, I woke up. I began living my life to the full. Without him.

Wadudu ni Hatari and other Songs

2009-10-17T07:50:00.000-07:00

I remember this advert song that used to play on VOK. (Cavalier, do you remember it?)

Hii ni nyumba yako
Wewe na jamii yako
Usikaribishe wadudu kuishi na wewe
Wadudu ni hatari
Wadudu ni wachafu Waue mara moja
Doom, doom, doom!
Dawa doom!

Then at lunch time it would be 'kuleni mayai, pia maharagwe. Hivi ndivyo vyakula bora vya kujenga mwili.'

As we prepared to go to school in the morning we had:

'...jiepushe na uvivu tujenge taifa. Mwanangu, kumekucha amka wende shule. Elimu ndiyo msingi wa maendeleo.'

The School

2009-10-09T15:55:00.000-07:00

Today I finally got round to reading 'Memories of Budo.' It's my Mom who made me read it because of its hilarious stories. It's like entering a secret chat room full of people you know and getting to know their secrets. Names of bullies and teachers who loved to cane at Kings College Budo are mentioned. Secrets of some Headmasters, teachers, prefects and students are revealed. I have only 2 pages remaining to finish the magazine but I could not put it down the whole day. What makes it interesting is that most of the people in this chat room are respectable members of society. Some are our board of directors, others are my first boss' friends and others I've known through my aunt, Budonian brother and church. Where else can one find such intrigue? In the blogsphere? Maybe. Maybe not.

Descendants of Nimrod?

2009-10-06T04:29:00.000-07:00

Just came across strange information about a sub tribe of the Luhya called the Kabras that live in Malava. It is interesting to know that that their name 'Kabras' comes from ‘Avalasi’, which refers to the warriors or Mighty Hunters they once were. As to the claim that they are descendants of Nangwiro associated with the Biblical Nimrod, I am flabbergasted.

Somehow, in my mind I cannot reconcile a tribe in Kenya that was originally Banyala (different from the ones in Kayunga) with a Mesopotamian monarch. I cannot reconcile the Kabras with a mighty ruler and nation builder who founded many cities, including the great Babel or Babylon. I cannot. Even if you tell me he was cursed for ordering the construction of the Tower of Babel.

In other news, my Mom says she heard a story told in Western Kenya about the Buganda Prince who became ruler of the Wanga Kingdom. Now I may have mixed up a few things about the story she heard but this is what I remember her telling me.

“It is said that when the Prince arrived in Western Kenya, some lady noticed that whenever it was time for him to bathe, he would hide himself from the others. Later on, she discovered the reason why the Prince did this. He had the mark of a snake on his body, which he was trying to conceal. After her discovery, the woman went and told her father who said, ‘That is the mark of royalty. Wherever this boy may have come from, he must be from a royal family.’ Thus, the boy was made king over the Wanga.”

Interekcho

2009-10-01T14:19:00.000-07:00

I go away from the blogsphere for a few weeks and when I return, I have to make do with a small screen on my phone then I find hundreds of new blogs with only intellectual stuff. Not that it's bad but eh nga I miss my regular visits to the old ones. After the riots, where did they go?

Pure Speculation?

2009-09-29T10:06:00.000-07:00

I read somewhere on the internet that some Luhyas came from Egypt and so did some Baganda and oba Banyoro. I thought all Bantus came from Congo or Cameroon. Speaking of Congo, I read somewhere that the Ethiopia referred to in the bible included the area stretching from the Congo basin.

Another mind boggling thing I read on the internet is about the Wanga (a tribe of the Luhya). I read that the Wanga came from Egypt as part of the migration that settled in Kampala area that formed the Buganda Kingdom. A muganda Prince called Kaminyi, who was Kabaka Mwanga I's cousin and Kabaka Mawanda's son, fled to Tiriki in Western Kenya. (Incidentally, I lived in Tiriki with my parents for 8 years) The Prince fled because as the king's cousin, he posed a threat to the reigning monarch.

On reaching Western Kenya, the Prince became a ruler and was succeeded by his son Wanga who established the Wanga Kingdom with the title of Nabongo in the 18th century.

The Two of Us

2009-09-27T00:15:00.001-07:00

I wish I was around when the Beatles were still together and a favourite to many. Mom says they were such a favourite that there were cartoons made about them. Maybe if I had been around then, I wouldn't have dozed off while watching a movie on NTV about Paul McCartney and John Lennon. 'The two of us' was its title. Mom also remembered as though John Lennon was shot. She says one of them whose name I forget had big ears and a big mouth or nose. Don't remember which. ( I'm posting this from my phone and it's not easy. No spell or grammar and style checks).

I waited for the two to play some Beatles music in vain. I wanted to hear if it would sound good. I also wanted to compare it with the music we have today. I made a mental note to read more about the Beatles and look for their music.

I Don’t Do Scholarships

2009-08-26T04:30:00.000-07:00

My Job and I, we don’t get along. It entails having to talk to new faces everyday about a place you have lost hope in because you have not received your full salary for months now.

Some faces are easy to deal with because they ask you what they want to know and after getting the information they need; they leave or at least ask for an application form.

But there are those from the word go that get you thinking “Ok. I get the feeling that we’re in the general area of what brought you here. I have told you everything under the sun about us and all that you want to know so why don’t you move on? And while you are at it, could you please leave so that I can attend to others? Anyway, what brings you to this almost-shut-down-place-that-is-credit-crunch-hit? Why don’t you just leave me and my thoughts alone? Do you realize that now I cannot afford to have any hobby including blogging because of you and this place?”

But you dare not say your thoughts aloud. After all, this is what you are paid to do. To attend to them.

Then after a long silence spent studying the fees structure, the face turns to you and asks, “Mulinayo ku scholarships?”

You want to respond, “Scholarships?! What do you mean tulinayo ku scholarships? Since when do shut-down-places-like-this-one with hungry-for-money-recruits give scholarships? Will a credit-crunched sponsor give you scholarships when he cannot afford a roof over his head? Scholarships?! Let me tell you who needs a scholarship. I need a scholarship! If I had a scholarship I would be out there improving on my education and working for a bigger purse. When you look at me what do you see? A puffed-up-lady-from-too-much-Blackberries or what? Don’t talk to me about scholarships, I don’t do scholarships!!”

But you dare not say that aloud. Scholarships or not, you are here to get him to enroll.

I HATE THIS JOB!

Scramble for Internet

2009-08-21T08:13:00.001-07:00

July 23, 2009

Mudamuli: You’ve been off for four days now. How can I call you for four days in a row about the same thing?
Internet Service Provider (UTL): What is the problem? Is the internet light on?
Mudamuli: It’s been off since Monday...Shall I tell you a secret?
Internet Service Provider (UTL): Yes.
Mudamuli: We shall switch to MTN because of your poor services.
Internet Service Provider (UTL): No, we are sending someone over...in 48 hours.

July 24, 2009

As I am arriving at work, I find a UTL car driving in. I pass by it as the security man is opening the gate.

Security Man: Aren’t they coming to see you?
Mudamuli: I don’t know. I gave up on them. Maybe they are here for one of our tenants.

Indeed, some UTL men come out of their pick-up and enter one of our tenant’s offices.

A few minutes later, UTL men come to my office.

UTL Men: Ye gwe gwe tunonya?
Mudamuli: Simanyi. Nze aba UTL nabavako dda! How can I call you from Monday to Thursday about the same thing? (I look at the ka wireless nankani) Naye nga the internet light is on today.

(The UTL men still touch the wireless thing and then sit on my computer to check if the internet is on.)

Of course it is on.

Mudamuli: So what was the problem?
UTL Men: Some wire was disconnected in your area.
Mudamuli: I wish you had said that before other than making false promises.

August 17, 2009

Mudamuli: Why is there no internet?
Accountant: Our time is out and Boss A wants us to switch to Zain.

August 18, 2009

Accountant brings a modem that looks like a flash disk and tries to install it on my computer but it fails to install.

New Boss C: Mudamuli, do you really need internet?

Mudamuli: Not really. It is only Boss A and Boss B who need it. Accountant, install it on Boss A’s laptop when he comes or try on yours.
New Boss C: I think Accountant you should put it on Boss A’s or yours and then later on we can buy another one for Boss B.

Accountant fails to install it on his. He calls Zain and they ask him to take the modem to their centre.

August 20, 2009

Technician comes to install the modem on my computer and fails.

Technician: I need to install some drives so that it can open on your computer.
Mudamuli: Will other computers be able to access the internet like before?
Technician: They will once I install the modem on your computer and make it a server. That means, your computer has to be on for others to access it.

Meanwhile, New Boss C had tried to install it on his and succeeded but this is useless because it his personal laptop and it is not on the network. Besides, he goes home with it and he leaves in the afternoon.

August 21, 2009

Technician is able to install the modem onto my computer. Everybody is able to access the internet but there is one problem. New Boss C’s internet is slower. He has his own modem from Zain.

New Boss C: Mudamuli, are you on the internet?
Mudamuli: Not really.
New Boss C: Can you get off and remove your modem because it is affecting the speed of my internet. In fact, I told Accountant that only Boss A, Boss B and myself should access the internet because we are the ones that use it for office work. You can always use my laptop incase you need to use the internet.

I need my own laptop, modem or a phone that can access the internet. Meanwhile, I may have to say bye to blogging.

Love is a Fairy Tale

2009-08-14T08:48:00.000-07:00

Sorry Billy Ocean. I love the melody of the song:

I used to think that love was just a fairy tale
Until that first hello, until that first smile
But if I had to do it all again
I wouldn't change a thing 'cause this love is everlasting

Suddenly, life has new meaning to me
there's beauty up above, and things we never take notice of
You wake up, suddenly your in love

But I think love is a fairy tale that happens to some. Like H and P, my sisters friend from London. I am happy for them. They are walking down the aisle tomorrow.

No Man is Going to Look After Me

2009-08-10T08:23:00.000-07:00

While someone said their mother taught them logic - "If you fall out off that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

And another said their mother taught them to meet a challenge - "What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you! Don't talk back to me!"

And yet another one said their mother taught them humor - "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

Mine taught me how to be responsible when she said, “If you found a man to look after you? Look after yourself! No man is going to look after you.”

I was there feeling sorry for myself and wishing some man could buy me a Blackberry or a laptop, when this woman on NTV said, “Yeah, if I found a man to look after me, I would stop being a prostitute.”

The first three are adopted from:

The Great Things Mom Taught Me
http://www.ahajokes.com/fp047.html

You can read others on:
http://members.shaw.ca/faithshannon/mother.htm
http://www.thisfunsforyou.com/htdocs/quotes/quotes_14.php

Tamzel and Yummie

2009-08-05T09:01:00.000-07:00

Characters in this story:
Tamzel – Single lady whose father owns a farm
Noodles – Tamzel’s first boyfriend
Kales - Tamzel's second boyfriend
Prince Radicchio – Tamzel’s third boyfriend
Peas – Radicchio’s girlfriend
Yummie – Radicchio’s girlfriend and Tamzel's step-mother
Cress – Noodles' replacement and Tamzel’s friend
King Artichoke - Prince Radicchio's father

Now Tamzel had been dumped by Noodles three weeks to his kwanjula. Noodles, was one of the men that worked at Tamzel’s father’s farmland.

God was merciful to Tamzel and He healed her heart from the pain that Noodles had caused. When Tamzel saw that her heart had been healed from the pain that Noodles caused, she felt she was ready to date someone else.

Kales found favor in Tamzel’s eyes and became her boyfriend. Kales and Tamzel dated for three years after which they broke up. Kales married her best friend’s cousin but that is another story.

Then it came about that after thirty six market weeks Tamzel failed to date any other guy. So she decided to give herself a break from men. But during this time, she met Radicchio the Prince of Rababland the son of King Artichoke. Now, Radicchio had asked for her hand in marriage but after two months, they broke up. And Radicchio met several ladies including Peas and Yummie. So Tamzel moved on with her life.

And Peas, being Tamzel’s friend began writing her some letters about this and that until Tamzel discovered that she was the woman that Radi dated after their break up. Tamzel stopped writing any more letters to Peas.

Now Noodles had started becoming disobedient towards Tamzel’s father so he fired him and replaced him with Cress. Cress loved Tamzel even though he could never remarry because of an oath he made with the gods of Rutabagaland. So Tamzel and Cress became like brother and sister.

And it came about that in the third month of King Artichoke’s reign; Tamzel’s father married a second wife. It was Yummie, Prince Radi’s ex girlfriend.

Now Tamzel has got to call Yummie, her former boyfriend’s girlfriend, her step-mother. As if that is not enough, Yummie has taken such a strong liking for Tamzel’s friend Cress who replaced Noodles.

Blame it on the Nankani…Bloggers’ Block

2009-08-03T08:16:00.000-07:00

There are people you meet and you dread being their friend because of their domineering nature. One can never be real around them. I guess the not being real around them is a way of dealing with the discomfort they cause you.

Then there are people you meet and wish they could be your friends but you dare not be friendly because you feel unworthy even to stoop down and untie their shoes. And yet at the same time, you know that if the two of you were to become friends, you would learn so much from each other and be better persons for it. You know like the friendship between Esquire and Obie. David and Jonathan. Brick and I. Or Richard and I (before he got married). Or Julie and I. Yeah, in spite of everything, I have one or two such friends.

The problem is, it is the first type of person that usually takes a liking for me. In fact so much is their liking for me that I get overwhelmed with misery because I am not one to take misery in large doses, you see.

The second type I never ever get a chance of being close to even if I tried unless they made the first move. Like Brick, Richard and Julie did. And oh, believe me, it wasn't easy for them because I was kind of sceptical about their friendliness at first.

The last time I tried to befriend the second type, I was so hurt by the fact that one of them deleted me from their facebook and the other one refused to respond to my one sentenced email. Moreover, I had reduced the email to one sentence so that the pain would be less if he chose not to respond. But guess what?

It still hurt anyway.

Thou shall not eat of the swine

2009-07-28T06:32:00.000-07:00

Our neighbour rears some pigs. There are 3 huge ones and 6 piglets. Often times, they set themselves loose and walk into our compound, much to our chagrin.

My mom does not like pork.

When she told me that sometimes pigs barked like dogs, at first I did not believe it until I heard one pig bark last week.
“When I first heard these pigs bark that is when I said to myself ‘Surely! People are not supposed to eat pigs’,” she said.

I mean, think about it. Eating something that can bark is like eating a dog.

Then on Sunday, one of them clucked like a chicken. I have not heard them go ‘ee-I, ee-I, oh’ like the ones in Old MacDonald’s farm. I guess my neighbours pigs are of a Japanese-Polish breed.

http://www.bamfield.eu/sounds.php mentions how pigs make different sounds in different countries:
Pigs in Britain, Spain and Italy are thought to say 'oink, oink'.
Portuguese pigs go 'roncar'.
Japan, they go 'buu, buu'.
French pigs go 'groin, groin'. German pigs, in contrast, go 'grunz'.
Mandarin Chinese pigs say 'Zhu' and in Cantonese, 'Jul'
South Africa, Africaans pigs say 'snork'.
Polish pigs go 'chrum, chrum'
The largest pork exporter, Denmark, has pigs that go 'øf-øf'.
The Netherlands' pigs go 'knor, knor' (NL is the second largest pork exporter). The noise made by pigs is 'knorren' in Dutch and Piglet (Winnie the Pooh) is called 'Knorretje' in The Netherlands.
Finnish and Swedish pigs say 'nöff, nöff'.
Russian Pigs go 'hrgu, hrgu'.
Pigs in Lithuania say 'kriu-kriu'.
Turkish pigs may say 'hoink, hoink' but we are not sure.
Jogoslav/Serbo Croat pigs just say 'Hrrrrrr'.

Tom Writes to Jerry

2009-07-16T08:51:00.000-07:00

Dear Jerry,

I have done a lot of thinking about what my workers have said about having you arrested once you set foot on my organization. It is said that you have been killing cows. I want you to know that the views expressed by my workers are their own and do not necessarily represent my views. I mean you and I have shared a strong passion for cow milk for ages. I know you can’t kill cows except perhaps for their meat, another of our delicacy.

The main reason I decided to write you this letter is because our organization could do well with some funding since the credit crunch has bitten us. You see one of the conditions for our organization to get funding is to become a member of the Tea with Milk crew so I joined. Voluntarily. Nobody forced me to join. All members of the Tea with Milk crew must arrest anyone found to be killing cows.

Secondly, you know how much I love cows. If I fail to arrest you, the other members of the crew might kill my cows in revenge. I do not want that to happen. If I lose my cows, where will my crew get their tea with milk from, let alone their bread with butter, cheese and cow ghee?

I want you to know that I am very sorry for what my workers said and this is a special letter from me to you, saying please don’t come to visit us. My hands are tied. Once you set foot here, I will have no option but to arrest you for the wellbeing of my cows.

Love,

Tom

Disclaimer
The characters in this letter are entirely imaginary and any resemblance to persons living or dead or actual events is purely coincidental.

Unbelievable

2009-07-13T09:17:00.000-07:00

So last night he called him. The big man did. He wanted him to host his Friday talk show on a Sunday. He obliged him.
’I watched these boys telling lies about the government on Friday. I also saw others on several other stations,’ he began.

He was referring to some young journalists seated opposite him.

I could not sit through it and listen to what he had to say about the government and what it is doing for the people of Teso because of three issues that got me worried.

First, the way the big man chose to wear winter clothes (black gloves, scarf and so on) was worrying. I even had to call Mom to come and see what the big man has been reduced to. Secondly, the way he had to demand for a Friday talk show on a Sunday was unbelievable! It just went to show that this country has no strong institutions in place.

How could a young man like Semujju, who is (probably) barely 30 years old, cause a head of state to demand for a talk show on a Sunday night? Couldn’t he have delegated?

What was Your Favourite Song?

2009-07-08T07:59:00.000-07:00

“Good morning, listeners,” Pepper said. “And with The King of Pop being laid to rest today. As a tribute to him, we have a question for you. What is your favourite Michael Jackson song? We’d like to hear from you. The number to call is 2345678 on all networks.”

“My favourite of MJ’s song was Speechless. It sounds so heavenly,” said Charlie, her co-host.

“Mine is Billy Jean because of the moonwalk,” Pepper broke in.

In the background is ‘heal the world’.

“Hello” said someone on the line. “People are dying in Soroti and you are here talking about MJ. Even you Pepper? Your uncle’s wife comes from Soroti but can’t even think of talking about her people?”

“Wait a minute. Listen to me young man and listen well. You have no right to tell me what is right and what is wrong. Before you ask me, what have you done for the people in Soroti? At least for me I haven’t only helped people from Soroti but I have helped people from other places as well,” Pepper retorted.

“Besides, this is the only day we have to talk about MJ. We have the rest of the days to talk about Soroti…Some people don’t know what we go through to prepare for our shows,” Charlie added.

“I am so mad at that caller. Oh! I feel insulted…(takes a deep breath). Let me grab some coffee,” she went on.

“The point of this show is to remember and celebrate MJ’s life, accomplishments and to provide closure for his fans and for those who loved him. If you were not his fan, would you at least allow those of us who were remember him…Besides, MJ was a great entertainer, who achieved extraordinary success and forever changed the face of the music industry…anyway, coming up is ‘beat it.’

"Hello. I loved Michael Jackson but I will never forgive him for losing his sweet smile. Before the surgery MJ had the sweetest smile ever. And eyes too. If I could lay my hands on the doctor responsible for changing his smile…I don’t know what I would do to him. He just completely ruined his lovely face," Mudamuli said.

Blame it on nankani...Blogger's Block

2009-07-02T08:46:00.000-07:00

C,

You are right about Eggie hating surprises. He is so cold towards me these days. He says whenever I disappear from him, it makes me appear unfriendly hence his resort to being equally hostile and indifferent towards me.

Cucumber is one guy I do not understand. I am always the one who looks out for him. I am tired of forcing myself to be his friend. Let him get crazier for all I care. I have decided to ignore him completely.

I am afraid to associate with big names and people who might be big in their own small way. I have deliberately refused to add such people as my friends on facebook even if I have known some of them in the past. Like the guys I suspect to be Tamzel’s Sebi and Jack. I just imagine I am not fit to be their friends anymore. A part of me wants to add you, Eggie and Cucumber as my friends but I am hesitant in case I get hurt when you refuse to accept my invitation. Even if you did accept, I am afraid I would not know what to do with you because I rarely put anything on facebook. I only send messages when I have a reason to and that is like once in six months. If it had come when I was younger, I would have been very active because then I loved sending letters but when I hardly ever received a response, I quit. These days, you would be lucky if I sent you a lengthy email. Most of my emails are just one sentence long.

I also quit calling people and sending text messages. My phone is idle 24/7. Apart from the numerous anonymous calls, it is only my family members and close friends who call or text me. I have been forced to block my phone from receiving any phone calls apart from those from my family and close friends.

You can tell I am not ok, can’t you? That bit about me sending you Tamzel’s number spoilt my day. Nolwekyo, let me chuck Eggie and Cucumber if that will stop you from mentioning her again.

By the way, did you notice that whenever I write you a poem it comes from my heart? When I write you a poem, it comes out effortlessly. My poems need someone like you to make them happen. In my mind, you are thrilling. I see you as my sparkle, my charm, my bloom and sweet melody. I guess it is the same way you see Pepper. Your heart is not with me. You are hers. And so this is the last letter I write to you. I hope.

Oh well...

Mudamuli

Your Words Sting

2009-06-29T07:20:00.000-07:00

Mudamuli…Mudamuli! How shall I describe you? Your words are feathers that catch their target by surprise because…they sting!

And you seem to know the quickest formulae to provocation.

Otherwise, are you well? Do tell.

You seem to have a special liking for Eggie these days but let me warn you. He hates surprises. If you want to be his friend, don’t keep making disappearing acts. As for Cucumber, he loves attention. The more you ignore him, the crazier he gets. As for me, I get bored easily and when I do, I move on to the next exciting thing or person. I don't kwelumya. I like to enjoy life to the fullest without any qualms. Especially when it comes to women. Like the gorgeous lady I met last week. She had the perfect manicure and pedicure. We had a good time but Pepper is still the one I want.

By the way, who is this Tamzel? Is she your sister? I found her post about me very amusing. How did she know I loved baking? Hmmm. Maybe I should give her a call one of these days and see what happens. Could you please send me her number?

Lots of it,

Carrot

The Poor Young Man

2009-06-26T07:29:00.000-07:00

To appreciate Michael Jackson, you must try to put yourself in his shoes and see why he was the way he was. People saw Michael Jackson through different lenses. While to some he was nothing more than a paedophile and a man who was so ashamed of his black skin that he bleached it, others saw him as a legend but a man all the same with weaknesses like any other human being.

So I start with the death of Michael Jackson. On January 25, 2009, he was reported dead. I could not believe that the King of Pop could be dead. I first heard the breaking news on Vision Voice from Earnest Wasake a few minutes after 1 a.m. I could not believe that I was the first to break the news to my Mom because she is always on the BBC. But by the time the news of his death came, Mom had already switched off her radio and was asleep. I woke her up and broke the news to her. At that time there were conflicting reports about MJ’s status. Some stations were saying he was in a critical condition while one had already reported him as dead.

“The poor young man,” my Mom who is 59 years old said. I smiled at the fact that MJ was only 9 years younger than her but even to me he was still that young man on whose music I grew up.

I sent a message to several friends about it and this morning, when my cousin asked to find out if he was alright, I said to him, “No. Michael Jackson is dead. It has been confirmed on CNN” even though I have not had the chance to watch TV today. He was pronounced dead at 12:21 pm PST. I heard that he died at UCLA Medical Center after being stricken at his rented home in Holmby Hills. Paramedics tried to resuscitate him at his home for nearly three-quarters of an hour, then rushed him to the hospital, where doctors continued to work on him.

"It is believed he suffered cardiac arrest in his home. However, the cause of his death is unknown until results of the autopsy are known," his brother Jermaine said.

It was last Saturday when I was listening to MJ being talked about on the History of Music on Vision Voice from 11 a.m to 1 p.m that I reflected on how misunderstood he was. It was not my first time to see him in a different light. I saw in Michael Jackson an extremely talented man who came to stardom at a tender age and was only trying to maintain the image of what a star should look like not because of anything he is accused of being but because of what was happening to his body. Everything that I listened to about him that day strengthened my conviction on this point.

In Michael Jackson, I saw a perfectionist owing to the fact that his father Joseph used to sit in a chair with a belt in his hand as he and his siblings rehearsed and if they did not get it right, he would ‘tear them up’. About his being a perfectionist, Michael Jackson said and I quote, “I'm never pleased with anything, I'm a perfectionist, its part of who I am.”

For the concert that was to take place in July, Michael Jackson had demanded that all the children in his choir know sign language. He sent an email telling promoters AEG the requirements he wants for his team of young singers.

A source said: "Normally when we cast choirs for acts, it's quite a laborious task. But in this case, it's proving a near impossibility. Jackson is a perfectionist and wants it exactly right and that means every child being able to do sign language."

"AEG are desperate to keep him happy and so are pulling out all the stops to make it happen. But it's a race against time."

MJ also wanted the choir to be made up of "exactly equal" numbers of black, white, mixed-race and Asian children.

Jackson asked for six snare drummers and banned them from having beards.
Another email read: "They must be young adults, clean-cut and of mixed ethnicity."

"They must be real drummers, so please do not waste our time suggesting people who are not."

That he could play the tambourine for the Jackson Brothers (a band formed by his brothers Jackie, Tito and Jermaine) at the age of 5 showed that he was a naturally gifted musician. He later began performing backup vocals and dancing. At the age of eight, he and his brother Jermaine assumed lead vocals, and the group's name was changed to The Jackson 5. Michael is the one who led the song that won a major local talent show in 1966 with renditions of Motown hits and James Brown’s ‘I Got You (I Feel Good).”

My notions about Michael Jackson changing his nose because he did not want an African nose were discarded when I learnt that in 1979, he broke his nose during a complex dance routine. His subsequent rhinoplasty surgery was not a complete success; he complained of breathing difficulties that would affect his career. He was referred to , who performed Jackson's second rhinoplasty and other subsequent operations.

About Michael Jackson changing his skin color, my thoughts that he bleached his skin because he wanted to appear white flew to Mars when I learnt that he had Vitiligo or what the Baganda call ‘Abalongo Bamwokyeza’ or something like that. My mother told me this morning that even a certain Ugandan musician who she taught in S.1 has it. I remember she used to have white patches on her skin and incidentally, she happens to be a…Alright, let me stop at that because I would not want to reveal who she is. Vitiligo is a disorder in which white patches of skin appear on different parts of the body. This happens because the cells that make color in the skin are destroyed. Vitiligo may also run in families. Michael Jackson’s grandfather or someone on his father’s side had it. My Mom told me that his sister La-Toya has it too.

When his dermatologist, Dr Arnold Klien diagnosed vitiligo and lupus (a disease that turns the body’s defenses against the body itself) in Michael in 1980s, he began using pancake makeup in order to even out his skin blotches on his arms, hands, nose, lips and so on.

Whereas it is obvious that the structure of his face changed as well and as a result several surgeons speculated that Jackson had undergone multiple surgeries, I now believe that he did not think people would accept a star with bad looks. He had to go for a forehead lift, thinned lips and a cheekbone surgery to ‘look good.’

Secondly, changes to his face could be partly attributed to the fact that he was losing weight in order to have "a dancer's body". Witnesses reported that Jackson was often dizzy and speculated that he was suffering from anorexia nervosa. Some medical professionals have publicly stated their belief that the singer had body dysmorphic disorder, a psychological condition whereby the sufferer has no concept of how they are perceived by others.

We are on holiday so I came to work at around 11 a.m. On my way to work, I was surprised to note that outside the media, life seemed to be going on as usual as if no King of Pop had just died. The only thing that linked anything around me to Michael Jackson’s passing was when my taxi dropped me off behind a vehicle with the words ‘Cardiac Ambulance.’ I will remember Michael Jackson for his music and incredible talent. His music has and always will remind me of my brother Michael dancing during his teenage days at Kings College Budo. His music also reminds me of those good old days when Dad was still alive and life was simple and interesting.

Adopted from:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Jackson

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thriller - Photo

http://igossip.com/gossip/Michael_Jackson_Demands_The_Children_s_Choir_In_His_Conce

To Carrot my Secret Admirer

2009-06-16T06:49:00.000-07:00

Dear Carrot,

Kobusheshe II tried calling me at midnight on Saturday so I blocked my phone. In the morning I found 6 missed calls from him sent at 1:20 a.m. This is the 45th time he is calling. Each time he calls, he speaks to me in Lunyankole. When I told him wrong number the first time he called he said, “twara kuri!” I answered his phone one day after he had persisted seven times and found my phone blocked.
“Ok. What is your name?” I asked.
In a voice that reminded me of Bwaise after it has flooded he said, “Sam."
“Well, I don’t know of any Sam. As I’ve said numerous times before, wrong number. Tindikukumanya.”

Just to prove how tired I am of his calls, his number is 0771657141. Since Uganda is such a small country that everyone knows everyone, you never know. You might recognise the number.

That aside, I still hear from your brothers Cucumber and Eggie. They don’t look like what they sound. I am yet to meet Cucumber though I have seen his photographs. When I met Eggie last month, I thought his distinct, sophisticated and eloquent voice suited an extremely good looking young man. Not to say that he is hideous, oh no! Until he talks, one would hardly give him a second look. Although he has an ordinary countenance, his sharp tales often make his company extremely addictive. I like him. If he was not more than ten years my junior, I would have replaced my crush for you with him. In fact, I am not sure which of you would be more interesting. I have a sneaky suspicion that he would be. More interesting, I mean. But again, you are more experienced.

My ex boyfriend once told me that my general appearance did not match my coquettish voice. People say I have a humble and shy look but my voice is sluttish. I think they don't know the meaning of the word. Now, your girl Pepper is sluttish defined. Or soubrette if you like. Not Mudamuli. Hmm! Sluttish indeed.

Anyway, I love Pepper’s latest novel. The moment I began reading it, I could hardly put it down. It is as gripping, perplexing, witty, and charming as Agatha Christie’s Poirot. As usual, she often has unusual plots with surprising endings.

I miss your letters,

Mudamuli

Bye for Now

2009-05-28T05:08:00.000-07:00

It’s time to say good bye to internet for a while. We are moving office tomorrow. This is when I wish I had a laptop for our Hot spot. Our old computers rely on the local network to get it. I am not worried about what will happen to books and files and what not because there are no shelves and filing cabinets in the new office. I do not care that next week is graduation and I won’t be able to print transcripts. All that saddens me right now is that I will no longer be able to blog. We are all going to sit in one room with Boss A and B and everyone else.

This is when I wish I could elope with someone to London and make babies. Not that it’s the best place to be right now but I imagine since my UK visa expires in September, I could still go. I don’t know.

The Last of Carrot

2009-05-27T04:52:00.001-07:00

Dear Carrot,

I wonder what hotness you see in her. She is all bones. Like me. But as I said earlier, she is pretty.

Who wouldn’t love you back? You have the looks, the money and a voice to die for.

Mudamuli

* * *

Dear Mudamuli,

I hope you are well. I know I am. What are you wearing today? I am wearing a white shirt with a red tie and black trousers.

I saw her again yesterday. We talked on phone and then we met over a cup of coffee. I discovered that we both love Jennifer Hudson. In fact, we have a lot in common. Isn’t it sad that we are both seeing other people and yet there is so much chemistry between us? Guess what she told me just before I dropped her off? I’m on cloud nine because of it. She said she thinks I am a fine man and that the woman I will marry will be lucky. She also said she appreciated me.

On Friday I met my ex girlfriend. She had asked me to help her transport some of her things to her new house. She says she still likes me and is wondering what to do about it. Saturday I went out with D.C and it was fun. I can’t go out with Sweetie. She spells trouble.

Oh, oh. I’ve got to end here. D.C just walked in. I’ve got to stop sending you emails or she’ll kill me. She’s very possessive.

Lots of it,

Carrot

Carrot's Reply

2009-05-26T08:59:00.000-07:00

Dear Mudamuli,

I like it when her hair is all out. Girl, is she hot! She was wearing this…ok, let me not bore you but the thing is, I love her…

Yesterday I sat near her but I couldn’t think straight. She is extremely beautiful. I mean, how do you describe someone that is more beautiful than the sunset? You should see this picture I have of her. And I am not saying that because of anything else. I think she is. She has this mystery around her that I find more intriguing than the moon. I want to be with her all the time. I think I can learn a lot from being with her.

I think I love her. More than I would want to admit. I hate the fact that we cannot be together because she’s already seeing someone else. But you never know, one day…

Bye for now,

Carrot

To Carrot, My Dear One

2009-05-25T08:29:00.000-07:00

Dear Carrot,

Ever since you told me you liked her, I have never been able to admit that I love her books. I hate it that her writing is always interesting even without her trying. Now that you mention it, I think she is pretty though not in an obvious way.

Boy, I’m so jealous of her!

I am sure any books I write will not be devoured with the same relish I have for yours. Yet are you that interesting? Yes and no. Yes because you always have an independent mind and no because I rarely understand what you are saying.

Would that I found something I would completely dislike about you. But there is none. Your weaknesses seem to make you even more irresistible.

My heart is spilling over with thoughts about you. My brain is jam-packed with nothing but you. Obsession. That is what it is.

Enough for now,

Mudamuli

Mudamuli’s Whines

2009-05-21T02:08:00.000-07:00

Frustration is moving into a new house and just as you are getting used to having a room to yourself, you have to share it with someone else. This, after ten years of living alone is extremely distressing. Or moving out of your office to the reception and just as you are getting used to it, the financial crisis at work forces you and your colleagues to vacate the whole building so as to have it rented out. The smaller rooms you are to be squeezed into do not have any network cables and therefore no access to the internet. As you are about to lose access to the internet, you finally have electricity installed in the new house. Unfortunately, Salvador will have to wait until you can find the time and money to buy an external TV aerial.

Meanwhile, your hair is breaking either because you are growing old or because its time for treatment is long overdue or both. Then you realise getting a new job is not easy because you do not know anyone or you do not have a bachelor’s degree.

You pray for a husband but either God is saying, ‘No, dear. You are called to be single.’ Or ‘Wait.’ You then ask God for a job where housing is provided for like at your sister’s workplace and wait. And long for some scandal just to spice up your life. Without discombobulation. Alright, I just wanted to use the word discombobulation. Discombobulate. Discombobulatingly. Discombobulating. Finally, my computer has accepted the word though it cannot define discombobulation yet it means ‘a feeling of embarrassment that leaves you confused.’

You wish you had a complex mind that could write like Comrade and the rest. You hurry for chapel to listen to what Boss A is going to say about our future at this work place. Only to say nothing so Boss B tells us we will have to wait for communication from their bosses.

Credit Crunch

2009-05-15T07:33:00.000-07:00

My sister forwarded this to me and I died:

FROM: FATHER
TO: ALL DEPENDANTS AND RELATIVES
CC: MOTHER
SUBJECT: NEW RULES FOR THE ECONOMIC CRISIS

Unavoidably, all domestic rules and regulations have been revised as below and under no circumstance is any violation allowed.

1. The Kitchen and all pantries are declared Restricted Zones. Entry and/or passage shall require express permission from me upon submission of written request.

2. Breakfast is banned. This matter is not for discussion...

3. Such food items as rice, chicken, butter, jam, eggs, bread and milk are Restricted. Anyone intending to eat any of such food must write to Me in triplicate, with three days notice, giving convincing nutritional reasons backed by a qualified dietician.

4. Watering with hoses is banned. Further, Only food-giving plants shall be watered. No lawns or flowers Shall receive water. For internal decoration, only plastic and Dry-flower arrangements shall be permitted.

5. Bathing in the morning is limited to 5 litres of water per day per person while bathing in the evening is banned unless there are medical reasons.

6.. Security lights are being removed with Immediate effect. All dependants shall abide by an all-night Guard-duty roster I shall make available shortly.

7. No dependant shall entertain friends indoors, Far less attempt to offer food, drinks or even music. Those who Want their guests to listen to music shall sing for them.

8. No one is allowed to talk to officials from police, Council or Court Bailiffs; doing so shall carry an Instantaneous penalty of ejection from The House.

9. Anybody who breaks a glass, furniture or any Other property in The House, shall immediately have to seek temporary employment somewhere to earn money to replace such broken item(s)..

10. All visitors intending to spend a night/week or more shall apply in triplicate and give two months notice, with an endorsement from their town Mayor, Village Headman or Church Priest, giving convincing reasons Why they can't stay home. Failure to do this shall result in Their being turned away upon arrival.

THESE RULES ARE BINDING AND NOT SUBJECT TO ANY DISCUSSION WHATSOEVER.

andrew tabura

I Have Lost It

2009-05-13T07:47:00.000-07:00

Boy, is he charming! Why am I the only one that sees that? But then, I’ve always liked the weird things and dudes.

My London pics are finally here but I need to reinstall some programme on my computer for me to be able to use the scanner at work. I am praying for my own laptop and digital camera.

Tamzel, I am sorry. I couldn’t post anything for you. It is clear I have completely lost my writing spirit. Carsozy, Sleek, Dare devil and the rest, I wish I could write like you. Cavalier, Princess, Comrade, I miss your posts. Iwaya, glad your deep posts are back. Nev, welcome back. Cheri, I miss you. As for Baz, I know he’ll be back.

Oh and Dennis Matanda. Glad your blog is back too.

And I finally got round to reading Half of a Yellow Sun by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. Mom was surprised I hadn't read it all this while. She also has The Blind Assassin by Margaret Atwood and The Pirate's Daughter by Robert Girardi which I'll read next.

Annoying, huh? I just can’t think of what to post, you see.

No More...

2009-05-06T04:28:00.000-07:00

I moved house a week ago. I am now in Budo staying with my Mom. The house though habitable, is still unfinished.

I miss electricity. No more Salvador. No more flat irons.

Calling into a certain radio station is as good as banned. Why, the last time I tried calling into one, Mom heard me and thought I was talking to her. There I was in my bedroom saying to Ernest Wasake during his ‘Between the Sheets’ show, “I know most men don’t like it when you…” Then much to my disgrace, I heard Mom’s voice from the bathroom, “Mmm?” I knew from that time onwards that my days of calling into my favourite station were numbered. I have heard her say about someone who had called in, “That one just wanted to hear himself on radio.” What would she say if she knew I did the same for the fun of it? Mom’s radio is always tuned to BBC. She cannot stand our FM stations and noisy radio presenters. I had to buy a small radio which I switch on only from my room where she will not be bothered.

No more coming home late. No more dust. No more nasty neighbours. No more creepy neighbours like J, his Shakiras and brothers from the East.

Putting too much sugar in my tea and juice is strictly prohibited. Not under Mom’s watchful eyes. She thinks I could end up with diabetes some day. Fortunately, we both love brown bread but I have to text her first to find out if she has bought some or else with two loaves, it is bound to go bad seeing as we cannot use the fridge. Hopefully, by the end of this month we shall have power.

No more running water and fancy showers. Bathing is now limited to two basins per day per person.

How strange it feels. How nostalgic. Old memories of my teenage hood when I was growing up in this area keep trickling in. Suddenly I miss my youth. I miss my beauty, innocence and zeal for writing. I loved writing love stories even though I had never had a boyfriend. What did I know about life then? Is this what I had dreamt of becoming? A thirty four year old lady with nothing much to show after working for ten years. I used to think that by my age I would be happily married with twins.

There is a huge financial crisis at my work place. There are rumours about its impending closure or sale. We’ve been getting half of our salaries. I need a new job, dear God. Mom is turning sixty in November but this week she did not receive her salary from government as if to say she has already reached her retirement age. We have just been through a long struggle trying to get letters of administration for my late Dad’s estate. Now we have to start another lengthy process for Mom to start receiving her pension.

In the meantime, I need a new job.

Remove Your Heart From My Husband

2009-05-04T08:22:00.000-07:00

I have been receiving text messages from a strange number. Messages that I have been deleting without reading save for this Saturday.
‘Remove your heart from my husband,’ it read.

It must be Shakira. Who else could it be because it is the same number that used to beep me when I was still quarrelling with J. I remember it so well because my friend Charlie called it and began asking her in Lunyankole whether she was Kobusheshe. Of course, Shakira being a Japadhola could not pick a word he was saying. Later on I sent her a text message saying, ‘Agandi Kobusheshe.’

This time I sent J a message. ‘Finally read your wife’s message. What kind of English is this - ‘Remove your heart from my husband.’ Is that the Shakira babe?’

And to Kobusheshe a.k.a Shakira I wrote ‘Hi Charlie. Kobusheshe just sent me another of her messages again. Could you please call her again?’

I sent the same message to Charlie and he’s been on my case today about me still having feelings for J. Charlie is a student at the school where I work and a friend.

I think I’m in Love…Jokes

2009-04-20T08:34:00.000-07:00

The best thing happened to me today. J gave me an Honest Scrap Award. Jny23 did.

10 honest things about me:
1. I must have mentioned this a thousand times on my blogs. That I love voices that sound good on phone or radio.
2. I am the quietest lady on planet earth.
3. I am very easy to please and very easy to annoy.
4. I don’t like making enemies. I don’t believe I have any.
5. I am so old yet so childish in some ways.
6. I’m moving into my Mom’s unfinished house at the end of this month. Tired of renting and living alone. Been doing so for the last 10 years. I began working on April 22, 1999 and now ten years later, I move back with her.
7. I’ve had 2 huge crashes on guys I never met. I don’t know what I will do to get over them because the crash has been on for years.
8. I love hot chocolate.
9. I love writing even though these days I lost my mojo.
10. I’d like to be married. I wonder what it feels like to be married even though I dread some aspects of it.

7 Blogs that I find brilliant in content or design:
1. Comrade
2. Princess
3. Dennis
4. Esquire
5. Kakaire
6. Cavalier
7. Igis

Yeah, I know. At least that will make life easier for me because some of them have deleted their blogs.

Instructions for the 7 above:
1.You must brag about the award
2.You must include the name of the blogger who bestowed the award on you and link back to the blogger
3.You must choose a minimum of seven (7) blogs that you find brilliant in content or design.
4.Show their names and links and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with Honest Weblog.
5.List at least ten (10) honest things about yourself.Then pass it on with the instructions!

Dreams Coming True

2009-04-17T08:13:00.000-07:00

Part of my dreams have come true. First I got to hear the Captain’s words even though it was not as dramatic as I used to think it would be. You know those things of saying ‘Fasten your seat belts…’

Secondly, I finally met Carsozy and Ernest Wasake on Wednesday.

Still flabberwhelmed about it.

Nice weekend.

Nev, get well soon.

Lulu, I missed seeing you and hoping you are fine.

I am Back

2009-04-11T09:34:00.000-07:00

Nkomyewo. I arrived yesterday morning. My pictures are not ready yet. I left my disposable camera with a friend who will send them once she finds someone coming to Uganda.

Otherwise, my memorable maloo...kyaloo experiences:

The African Fellowship
One memorable malooo…kyalooo experience was last Sunday. I went to a church with my friends where I met so many Africans including Ugandans. I knew some of the Ugandans. The church had been having different regions of Africa talking about their countries. Last Sunday was West Africa’s turn and it was fun. You should have seen how the Nigerians, Ghanaians and people from Ivory Coast boasted about their food, dressing and culture. I felt like Uganda had nothing to boast about when the video clip showed some of their footballers. Even their capital cities seemed more organised than our Kampala.

Ugandan Food
The second malooo..kyalooo experience was on Saturday and Sunday evenings when my hosts took me to their friends for dinner. They were friends who grew up with my friend’s husband in Bugolobi flats and one of them went to school with us. Since I am a Gishu, I was glad to discover that some of them were Gishus or half Gishus. We ate Ugandan food (including Matooke, Kamalewa, Tilapia and etc) and talked till midnight. Topics ranged from the Gishu accent to Obama. There was this story about a lady with a Gishu accent saying in Luganda how she forgot milk in the bus but what she didn’t know was that what she was referring to as milk meant breasts in Luganda. So it appeared as if she was saying she left her breasts in the bus.

Wheeled Bags
The third malooo…kyalooo is the wheeled travel bag. Whoever invented wheeled bags did us good. It felt so great not having to lift my heavy suitcases to Heathrow to and fro. It was so cute watching little children rolling their tiny bags on wheels at the airport. On London streets, it was quite common to see an elderly couple walking with a wheeled bag.

You can imagine my irritation when I reached Uganda and I had to lift my suitcases thanks to our rough roads and streets. I ended up getting a special hire from Entebbe airport to Bukoto just to avoid lifting my bags. The smooth floors and streets in London make it so easy to roll your suitcases that at one point when my friend and I were heading for Victoria Coach Station, I couldn’t help but gape at the noise that came from the bags as people crossed the streets. EVERYONE had a wheeled bag.

Transport
The last malooo…kyalooo is the way the transport system is organised. Whenever I used a tube (underground), overground, coach or bus, I was amazed.

Buses and trams share a common fare and ticketing system, and the Docklands Light Railway (DLR) and the Underground another.

London has several travel zones. When buying a travel card including tube travel, you will need to specify how many zones you wish to travel in, for example zones 1 - 3, zones 1 - 6, and the price varies depending on the number of zone you choose. I learnt that a travelcard provides zonal tickets which can be valid from one day to one year and that they are accepted on the DLR, buses, railways, trams and the Underground. There are no zones in London for buses so one ticket or travel card is enough to travel any distance in the network. The ticket price remains the same, no matter how far you travel in London.

There was this plastic card that is used as a travel card called an Oyster card. Your credit and travel card information is stored electronically on the card. It can be used to pay individual fares or to carry various Travelcards and bus passes. It is used by holding the card close to a yellow card reader or touching it flat. I malocated at the way the gate would open and let me through at the ticket gates whenever I would feed my Oyster onto a Card reader. There was no need for a paper ticket. From one week onwards, using an Oyster Card is much cheaper than buying tickets daily. You can use pre-pay and 'top up' your Oyster card in the same way as a mobile phone. Credit is added to the Oyster card and it is deducted each time you travel. This represents very good value for money compared to buying a daily paper ticket and is ideal for people making occasional journeys per week or month.

Oyster cards cannot be used on some Overground routes in London. No wonder I lost my card during one of my Overground trips on the day before I left London as I was trying to put it back into my handbag and use a Travelcard instead. I felt so bad because my first host’s wife had put some money on it and had asked me to post it back to her from Heathrow since they received many visitors who might use whatever fare I had left on it. I cried when I realized I had lost it yet I had even put bus passes for a whole week on it. My friend had to use her money to pay for my fare. I got to use a coach from Victoria Coach Station to Heathrow. Coaches are like our upcountry buses but more organized.

Malooo...Kyalooo - Part Two

2009-04-02T08:26:00.000-07:00

Apart from taking me to her children's school and Buckingham Palace where I saw two foot guards from the Household Division marching around (the ones that wear scarlet tunics and tall black fur caps known as bearskins), the Victoria Memorial sculpture in front of the palace, my former boss’ wife walked me through the Piccadilly Circus, Oxford Street (where I saw many famous shops and restaurants), Regent Street, St. James park and then we entered St James' Palace to visit her friend whose husband is a chef at Buckingham Palace. Her friend also used to work there as one of Princess Diana’s maids or something.

We had met her friend at their children’s school then she invited us to her place for tea. She had to inform the guards at the gate about our coming or else they would not have let us in.

St. James is still a working palace though the monarchy has not lived there in quite some time. I got to see where Prince Charles and his sons live. I hear the palace is also home to Princess Alexandra and housed the Queen Mother until her death just a few years ago. I also saw two guards from the Household Division in front of one of the gates at St. James Palace. Then just as we were getting out of her friend's house, my former boss’ wife said, “Samali, look behind you.” What I saw was quite a sight. There was a large group of foot guards standing outside. They were all clad in their scarlet tunics but without their bearskins and they were staring at us. They are responsible for the safety and protection of the Sovereign at the Buckingham and St James' Palaces.

From there we visited the church where her husband works. It is next to BBC World Service. She bought me an Oyster card and explained how it works but I wonder if I will have the courage to do so on my own. I am supposed to have visited some art gallery this afternoon but instead I ended up at an internet cafe where I put up this post yet I could have done this free of charge at their house.

Malooooo...Kyalo!

2009-04-01T13:03:00.000-07:00

Just arrived today at 4p.m.

It's 9 p.m now.

I am flabberwhelmed. It's beautiful this place.

As for MTN adverts…

2009-03-23T07:32:00.002-07:00

First there is that one where the girl is nagging everyone about her phone and how she doesn’t want to miss Joe’s call. Kumbe it is under some sofa showing ‘lover boy Joe’ on the screen when she beeps it.

When I grow up, I would love to meet the following:

1. That voice behind that MTN advert that goes something like -
…my brothers and sisters-aha
I’m telling you today-aha
Not to despair –aha
I’m telling you today –ah
That there is still hope – ah
Bse with MTN ha
You get up to
100 free sms
Oh yeah
100 free sms
Oh yes
The more airtime you load, the more sms you get
Can I hear a freeeee sms? (Piano in the background)
Oh yeah

(On second thoughts, I think he should be shot with ice cubes)

2. Igis ('Who is Igis?' is what I would ask him when I interview him)

3. Esquire, Dennis Matanda and Ernest Wasake

4. Carsozy

I’ll think of the rest later. Yeah, yeah. I know. I think when I grow up I will be afraid of women more so I’d rather meet them now at 34 than later on when I grow up.

Very Sad

2009-02-25T23:54:00.000-08:00

“Emese nebweligejya etya, eba ya kapa,” said one woman who lost her merchandise in the fire at Owino market.

The Guy From the East

2009-02-20T05:02:00.000-08:00

I must begin by apologizing for dwelling too much on J. I hope this will be my last time to mention him in my posts.

I’ve been receiving weird letters on facebook since Wednesday. One of them had me puzzled. Not only was it abusive and with some ‘f’ words but the writer of this letter was threatening to tell J that I had slept with him while J was at work. The letters were from none other than Goodbye Maguire, his brother.

Goodbye Maguire called me one Sunday pretending to be J’s best friend. It was the same Sunday that J first came to visit me. When J's brother called, he asked me if I didn’t mind receiving his calls. I insisted that I speak to J first. J was in his kitchen preparing some juice and cooking some food for his brother. After I had talked to J on the phone, I told Goodbye Maguire, I would think about his request and get back to him. I never did. I learnt from J that it was not his best friend who had called but his brother Goodbye Maguire. Goodbye Maguire got my number one night when J used his phone to send me some airtime. I also learnt Goodbye Maguire’s full name that day.

A few days later, Goodbye Maguire sent me a friendship request on my Mudamuli facebook but I deleted it after recognising his name. I wondered how he knew I was Mudamuli. When I told J about it, he was furious. J had earlier on asked me to text him my Mudamuli blog link which Goodbye Maguire happened to read when he was using J’s phone. J told me to ignore him because Goodbye Maguire’s ‘madam’ would not like it. I then asked J to delete my number from Goodbye's phone and I never saved Goodbye's number on mine.

After I received Goodbye Maguire’s insulting messages on Wednesday, I decided to ignore his slanderous remarks and respond to him politely without reinstating him as my facebook friend. So each morning and night I have been sending J text messages about his brother’s letters to me. First I told him to keep an eye on him as he might find him with Shakira in his bed one day. But this morning I told J that I thought his brother and I should end up together.

On facebook, when I asked Goodbye Maguire for his number he wrote:

Angels are there to guide and protect you in whatever you’lldo. Tonight, they’ll
take you to a place where your dreamscan come true.Take care! The texts you send
me night and day like jewelsin my heart they stay…And so to God I always pray
the bestof blessings be yours…Each day & Night

Then I found a missed call on my phone. It was the guy from the East’s number. I call it and guess who answers the phone? Goodbye Maguire.

“I’m in Tororo but I will see you at J’s house today,” he said.
“Is this Goodbye Maguire?” I ask
“Yes,” he replied.

I fainted.

When I went back to facebook I found another letter:

Each moment of ur life is a picture which u had never seen before. And which ull
never see again so enjoy> & live life & make each moment
beautiful.... GODISNOWHERE this can be read as GOD IS NO WHERE or as GOD IS NOW
HERE everything depends on how u see anything. so think positivehope you get
me here. have fun.

J’s comment concerning Goodbye Maguire's letters:“He is not serious. No Jap will ever take you, Mudamuli.”

Please go to Sleep, I’m with Shakira now

2009-02-16T02:03:00.000-08:00

I am hurt by what a friend says to me. I go home early and do my washing but the pain is still there. That Friday night, I fail to sleep just at the thought of what he said to me. I send J a text message about it.

Don’t worry. He says. Pray about it and God will see you through.

Thank you. I reply.

Please go to sleep. I’m with Shakira now.

I see stars. I say sorry. Just then a text message comes in from a strange number.

I love you deeply, but I’m far. It reads.

Who is this? I ask.

Somebody from the East. The person responds.

The next morning, I ask J why he had to tell me off like that.

Shakira is my new girlfriend and wife to be. He says. She is a real woman, full of cream and TLC.

A quarrel ensues from Saturday to this morning. A lot of nasty words are exchanged. We say things that we will both live to regret.

I call the person from the East but it is a guy with a tiresome Westerner accent who answers the phone.

He's not Bad

2009-02-11T06:37:00.001-08:00

He serves me tea with milk. I hate to tell him I don’t take it because of the cream that sits on top when it cools. This is the second time I am visiting his house. The second time I am taking tea made by him and failing to take juice instead even though I would have preferred it. I once heard him say to a neighbor that he was addicted to tea so I will take it.

Through his doorway, I see my former house dressed in new paint. Later on, I also see two houses being freshened up.

I evade the top cream as I drink my tea. When it expires, I give a muted sigh of relief.

He asks if I want to refill my cup. I say no but not distastefully lest he sees how much I don’t fancy his cherished drink.

My mother is coming to see my new house so I have to end my visit even though I’m still enjoying the chat with him.

‘J…He’s not bad.’ I think to myself. ‘We can be good friends.’

He's not Bad

2009-02-11T06:37:00.000-08:00

He serves me tea with milk. I hate to tell him I don’t take tea with milk because of the cream that sits on top when it cools. This is the second time I am visiting his house and the second time I am taking tea. I once heard him say to a neighbor that he was addicted to tea.

Through his doorway, I see my former house dressed in new paint and two houses being freshened up.

I evade the top cream as I drink my tea. When it expires, I give a muted sigh of relief. He asks if I want to refill my cup. I say no but not distastefully lest he sees how much I don’t fancy his cherished drink.

My mother is coming to see my new house so I have to end my visit even though I’m still enjoying the chat with him.

‘J…He's not bad.’ I think to myself. ‘We can be good friends.’

My Loss

2009-02-05T06:35:00.000-08:00

Changing my quarters on Sunday morning felt like moving out of the White House into a hut in Kogelo. (As if that was not enough, my office was transferred to the reception as a result of the financial crisis at work that made it necessary for the restructuring of staff. Indeed, some of my workmates were laid off. I guess I should be grateful. The bad news for me is that I will have less privacy and opportunity to blog from now on. )

The rainy season could not have chosen a worse time. I live in one of those villages where you have to run faster than a car behind you so that your clothes do not get splashed by muddy water.

A sense of loss quickly envelopes me once I get to my new place. I miss my sink, large sitting room, wardrobe, toilet and shower, washbasin, tank, water and electricity meter, neighbours like J (who was helpful when it came to transporting my things and whose noise I now miss) at my previous dwelling. And to think that for all these I paid a paltry shs 150,000 before the landlord increased it to shs 200,000. Now I pay shs 170,000 for two tiny rooms, a shower and a teeny weensy store that cannot even fit my jerry cans. My sitting room cannot take in my carpet and some of my chairs.

I should never have left. This I realised after a whole day’s search from Kireka to Bweyogerere, from Kulambiro to Nalya and back to Kyanja and Kisaasi. There were no houses exactly like the one I foolishly left at shs 150,000. There was always something missing. Why, not even the ones at shs 200,000 could match my old place!

J Again

2009-01-13T01:22:00.001-08:00

I finally let J come over for a chat on Sunday morning. He had been pestering me for days on to come. He lives right opposite my house but we chose to communicate through phone calls and text messages to a point that even his brother learnt my number and tried calling me that morning out of curiosity.

When I showed him my album, I was not prepared for the shock that awaited me. He knew some of my friends. One was even his cousin. Anyway, Uganda is a small country so no big deal.

Slowly, I’m beginning to look at him differently whenever he starts his love speeches. He has a girlfriend of three months. I could hear her voice when she called.

- Are you at home?

- No.

- When will you be home?

- I don’t know. Probably in the evening.

The same evening he asked if he could come over and…of course I said no.

NB: On 31 December, I went to pick a form at his house and found that J had made some tea with milk and juice for me. I chose to take tea instead of juice and made sure I took it after he had taken his. It was my first time to enter his house after all the three years we've been neighbors in spite of the numerous requests he has asked me to tea and lunch. Anyway, as we were talking about how to fill the form and other news, his girlfriend arrived and walked straight to his bedroom.

J said, 'Hi J. How is home?' to which she mumbled something.

As soon as I saw her walk through that door, I sensed that she must be his girlfriend so I begged my leave.

Then she came back and sat opposite us, took one of my bananas and went to the kitchen outside. You should have seen how our conversation changed from my funny incident to the form and what to do next. She found us at the door as she returned.

'Ok. Bye and thank you very much for your help,' I said to J.

'Oh?' his girlfriend said as she walked back into the sitting room.

'Are you leaving so soon?' J said.

'Oh, yes.'

'Remember to get that letter from your boss. Ok. See you later.'

'Happy new year,' I said and walked to my house.

Last night he had visitors and his girlfriend was one of them but he dared to come and knock at my door to give me some junk food I had sent him. He refused to take my money for the food. Then he called me after his girlfriend had left and said he wants to come to my place today. I told him off but I am scared. He and his best friend have also been helping me to house hunt because I have to move at the end of this month.

J!

2009-01-06T04:50:00.000-08:00

Dear J,

Is this what it comes down to? That because you’ve been giving me advice on how to fill the visa form you can now ask me to give you just that one moment while your girlfriend is away? That you think I would be more enjoyable and that is why I shouldn’t trash your feelings for me and give you that moment? That you have always admired me in all the three years we’ve been neighbors?

Here is what I think - if you can’t have enough of your babe then I am sorry for you because she is the best thing any man could ever hope for.

All the other ladies on the compound want you. Who knows how many you haven’t had already. Remember the scuffle you had with a neighbor’s brother in the middle of the compound. Then we all know your first girlfriend was the best thing you could have ever wished for in a woman but she left you because you blew it.

I think.

Meeting Army Men, Bloggers, Etc

2008-12-30T05:41:00.000-08:00

Guess who I met at Quality Supermarket on Saturday and who chatted with my Mom, sis, her kids and I as we wrapped wedding gifts for our friends. He had to chat with us after Mom told him we were whispering about him and how we had seen him on TV. Former army spokesman, Major Felix Kulaigye.

He said, "I hate being recognised by people when I have no idea who they are."
"As a public figure, expect that to happen to you all the time," said my Mom.
"As soon as I saw the number plate, I knew there was an unusual person around," I said to him.
"And what is special about my number plate?" he asked me.
"Well, it's different," I said. (It had SSE and some other funny letters or numbers)
"If that is what it takes..."

We then let him wrap his gift first since he was there before us. He thanked us. Played a little with my nephew and niece and said 'bye ladies' as he was leaving.

After Quality Supermarket, guess who we saw at my friend's wedding as we were lining up for food. I whisphered to my sister. 'That's him' He was standing a few metres away from us. He looked as if he was inspecting something. Not wanting to flaberwhelm him like the Major, we restrained ourselves from going to him and saying hi. Nadala my sis who is the more daring one.

And guess who I think I sat next to on my way from Vision Voice yesterday. I think I sat next to him

I had just won an air ticket to London from British Airways and was busy sending my family and friends text messages about it.

Naye, I don't know where I will go once I'm there because my brother is now in Denmark. One of my British friends wouldn't mind hosting me for a few days though. Then there is my boss. Will he let me go and come back?

What they now call Sosh

2008-12-06T08:07:00.000-08:00

In our days there was this story that went round about a social our school had with Ntare School. Or was it Mbarara High School? Or St. Joseph’s Vocational School? I don’t remember. I wish I went for them. You see, savedees were not allowed to go so I missed.

Anyway, I was just over at Baz’s and I remembered the story when I saw that pic of Will Smith.

Guy on microphone, testing 1, 2, 3: I wanna rap. I wanna rap. I wanna rap and rap and rap and rap.

(Girls from my school wait for the guy to begin rapping)

But the Guy continues: Who is the DJ? I’m the DJ. Who’s the MC? He’s the MC.

(Girls wait for the rap to begin)

But the Guy continues: I wanna rap, I wanna rap. I wanna rap and rap and rap and rap and rap. I wanna rap...

(and it ends there with everyone getting fed up of his wanting to rap and not rapping)

Is Africa Blessed or Cursed?

2008-11-30T23:47:00.000-08:00

Is it really true that the U.S.A, India, China, Europe, Argentina, New Zealand can fit into Africa? And that Zambia, Zimbabwe and the DRC have the potential to feed the world?

Someone saw the River Congo for the first time and took long to realize it was a river because of its massive width. I want to see it. And the Niger. And Zambezi. At least I’ve seen the Nile.

Is it true that the DRC has 90% of the world’s cobalt? Is there any country in Africa which has no mineral?

Is it true that Asia and Africa were the first homelands of Judeo-Christianity?

I Said It

2008-11-27T06:47:00.000-08:00

I do not want after all these years of waiting to be disappointed when I finally get down to it. I do not want to say to myself ‘Is this all there is to it? What was all the fuss about? Anyway, he was good about it. He made sure I did not feel pain.'

If I’m ever going to do it then let it be within this year and with a guy who loves me. At least then, even if he denies responsibility of the pregnancy afterwards, I can always get one of my male friends to act as a father figure to the baby. But sleeping with a guy who doesn't love me….euuuurgh!

Perimenopause

2008-11-21T03:16:00.000-08:00

On my last birthday
I was stressed.
On my neck were specks of dots that looked like goose pimples…
I was stressed.
What could this be?
I was stressed.
Looking closely, I saw hair growths…man
I was stressed.
I was stressed by this oddity
On my collar and chest
I was stressed.
When I read ‘Sign of pre middle age’
My body was stressed.

1. Increased growth of hair on the face of women just before and just after menopause is quite a common occurrence. It is primarily because of decreased estrogens.

2. During her reproductive years, a woman’s ovaries produce more estrogen than testosterone. As menopause nears, the estrogen level declines while the male hormone levels stay about the same. Lacking former levels of estrogen to counteract them, hair growth on the face and oily skin may begin to crop up during the years right before menopause in some women.

What is the Meaning of This?

2008-11-20T02:23:00.000-08:00

Even with the possibility of some of us being laid off or the school being closed down, I am still attending to people inquiring about the school. We already admitted the wife of one top government minister.

Last Friday Hon Musa Echweru came to inquire about the school but I had left office early that day so it is the Financial Officer who talked to him. No, his inquiry had nothing to do with disaster preparedness even though his advice on that would have been timely. He said he had heard a lot of good things about us and he wanted to know if we had evening programmes so that he can enrol. One former government minister went through us and so did the wife of one of the top church leaders. Maybe he had heard from one of them about us.

I Might be Handed a Pink Slip

2008-11-18T07:05:00.000-08:00

Our boss called for an emergency meeting today. It is the third of its kind where the issue of no money has arisen. It is the second where the possibility of some of us being laid off has been mentioned as a cost-cutting measure. The decision will be made on Friday by our Board of Directors.

My Boss B warned me yesterday about my late coming. “Organize yourself so that you start coming early. In your appraisal, you have scored high credits on everything apart from time keeping.” I took that to mean that I might be handed a pink slip as a result of my position being made redundant or me being laid off.

We have a huge debt of 172 million which includes NSSF and URA. A huge percentage of our budget depends on donations from our friends and supporters in the US and U.K but lately, they have been slow in sending us money.

Naye nze I am tired of working in this place. I’ve been here for 9 years and I have never worked anywhere else. I feel I need to move on, try a new environment, start my own business and adopt a baby since I do not seem to have the gift of marriage.

To My Favourite Men

2008-11-14T03:52:00.000-08:00

Peter Katonene, thank you for making me enjoy Brain Bustaz and for reminding me of the kind of guys I used to have a crush on as a teenager.

My bachelor neighbour J, thank you for the sms you sent the other time inviting me over to your place for tea and the countless times you’ve tried to ask me to go with you to some place or the other. Trouble is, the other lady neighbours are sweet on you and then there’s a chance that you might have a girlfriend. I don’t want to get into trouble with any of these women. However, there are days when I wish I could just sit down and watch a good movie with you because bambi you seem like a nice chap.

This weekend I’d like to picture myself meeting a guy looking good, driving a fancy car, living in a posh suburb, with a romantic voice, 36 years old, single and with eyes only for me. I know. It won’t happen. Too late for that to happen, anyway. Even then, I am travelling to Tororo. Not that there are no such guys in Tororo. My bachelor neighbour J comes from there.

Mpulila Ekizibu…Netamiddwa

2008-11-11T06:57:00.000-08:00

Mom says we have to set off for Tororo on Saturday at 8 a.m. I wish I didn’t have to wake up that early. Nkoze ntya? But it’s a trip we have to make. I’m going to miss listening to my favourite programmes on radio. Should I risk mentioning one of them? No, I will keep it and the reason for the trip a secreto d’amour. (Yeah, yeah…I don’t have DSTV and my old TV does not allow for DVD players and the deck my Zungu boss gave me was stolen the second time my house was broken into. But even then, there was no sound when I tried to connect the donated deck)

Meanwhile, my past is haunting me. In January this year I gave out my number in some ka late night show on a radio station and thanks to that, yesterday I found some missed calls from some wearisome dude and then my Mom.

The wearisome dude’s calls could not go through because I have blocked my UTL line from receiving any apart from those from my workplace and immediate family. Mom’s phone had gone through but I didn’t hear the phone ring as it was in another room. She left me some messages with some unclear instructions so I tried calling her only to see ‘diverted’ and then in the next instance, it was not available.

At first I thought she had changed her number and diverted her old line. So I foolishly texted (is this English?) the line kumbe it was the wearisome dude’s. Then I called the number just to make sure only for a humdrum voiced guy in a Kinyankole accent (I love the Banyankole, by the way. No offence here. Ok? After all, my Mom can speak Lunyankole and my ‘O’ level was in a school in Mbarara. Ndaba I even wrote about the Gishu yet it is my tribe.) to tell me, “This is Arthur. You have never met me…”

I hang up before he could finish his sentence. Then he sent a short message: ‘I got your number from station X early this year. Babe, please let me have you. I am 30 and single…’

I had to tell the sickening reminder of a dude that the owner of that phone had given it to me and that I was a married woman just to put him off.

Thank God he was. Put off!

Not like the Jimmy guy who persisted even after I had told him I was:
1. 34 (True)
2. Married (False)
3. Pregnant (False but may become true soon)
and with a jealous husband who kept bodyguards to watch my every move and call when he saw that whatever number he used, his phone would not go through. I had to move back to my MTN line for the guy to stop.

Era now, whenever I hear any ronerly heart giving out their number on that radio station …and I notice they have taken to looking for financially stable women and stuff. As I was saying, whenever I hear them, I feel like a person who has been drenched in the rain and is damned to remain in wet clothes all day because there is still a long way before they get back home and change.

Dear Agony Aunt

2008-11-09T02:37:00.000-08:00

I've been going out with Bob since July 2008. We have met only five times mostly at his office because my weeks are busy and he is never available on weekends. We have been sending each other messages daily. One in the morning and one in the evening. He often switches off his phone at night and on weekends he rarely sends any messages.

On November 3rd, I met him over lunch and we had a nice chat which lasted about two hours. He talked about his his ex girlfriends. While at campus, lots of girls were on his case but he only had eyes for his campus girl. Two of those girls are still trying to hit on him even though they are now married. His campus girl used to find them at his room and one day he said to Bob after he found one daring one trying to kiss him, “Just keep them hanging. As long as you don’t sleep with them.”

The campus girl friend now has kids with another man and is trying to come back to his life but he is not interested. She chucked him when he went to the UK for further studies. He mentioned two ex girl friends in the UK who still call him. One was a zungu and my namesake. The other was of Jamaican roots but born in the UK. He said he was no longer interested in any of them even if they both wanted him to go back to them. He was also excited about a highly lucrative job he was getting in December. He had big plans once he got this job which included getting his own place to stay, building a house and taking me down the aisle. He also mentioned some business he had started where he employed four people.

I told him about my escapades with the awe-inspiring friend and he was hurt that I let him kiss and touch me. I told him that I did it in anger and he understood. He had done the same thing with the ladies in UK after hearing from his twin brother that his girlfriend from campus was expecting another man’s child.

I randomly asked him whether he lived with a woman and if he had kids. At one moment there was shock written all over his face and in the next instance, it was gone and he was laughing. He assured me that he had no woman and kids. On the previous day, I was in a salon and I heard a voice say to me 'Bob has a woman with kids.' It was one of those voices I sometimes hear. A voice that is rarely wrong.

The following day, I was surprised when I received a text message from a strange UTL line telling me to leave Robert alone. The full text message is on mudamuli.wordpress.com in the sixth paragraph of the post Not Substantial Enough.

In short, this person was telling me to leave Robert alone if I wanted life. That the person will come to my work place anytime. That I can't keep the person's kids.

When I asked Bob, he denied knowing this person and the number.
“Maybe it is you who gives people my number. I don’t know anyone with that number. You call it and find out who it is,” he said.

I asked his cousin and he said he didn't know anything about Bob's personal life.
“He could be married. I don’t know. I don’t like entering into people’s affairs. I haven’t seen him in a long time and I won’t probably until next year,” he said.

I called the number and a tiresome voiced guy also called Bob answered the phone. He claimed that it was a colleague at the restaurant where he works who had used his phone to send the message. The colleague's name is Annet and she claims that I am stealing Robert from her. She even claimed that I have been Bob’s long time girlfriend. I threw out his suggestion that we meet so that he can show me where Annet works and tell me more about her. "Don't you love, Bob?" he asked when I refused to meet him. I told him it was none of his business whether I loved Bob or not. I threw out the Bob guy’s suggestion that we meet so he can show me where Annet works and tell me more about her. As if I would be foolish enough to meet a guy who was friends with Annet. Hmmm!

Bob denies knowing any Annet.

“Right now, I am planning to work hard at my new job and I was hoping to marry you but if you have decided to believe what this lady says, it’s up to you,” he says.

Meanwhile, for the past four weeks I have been receiving phone calls from strange people speaking to me in Luganda. Another one spoke to me in a language I could not place but he called himself Kilama. The one that really got to me was from a stalker named James. He kept asking me where I was and would not say what he wanted and how he got my number. He kept calling me for two weeks until I blocked my phone. UTL told me to report the case to police as they could not just block him from my number. Once, I asked my workmate to talk to him and find out who he was. That day James said he was Jonath from Kasese.

Incidentally, Bob has a twin brother called James but his cousin says it could not have been him because he is not the type to stalk people.

My sister tells me to throw out Bob because I do not deserve a man with strings attached. That he is playing games and I don't deserve that.

I know I should leave Bob because there are a lot of unanswered questions:
If Bob is telling the truth:
1. How did she know my name and Robert’s for that matter?
2. How come she began the message with the characteristic ‘Hello Love’ that Bob and I use in our messages?
3. How did she know I was worried about him having kids?
4. If she is Robert’s ex girlfriend of campus, how come her message had some spelling mistakes?
5. Does she work at a restaurant at night since the message was sent at night?
6. How can she be bothered about me when Bob and I rarely meet let alone call each other?
7. Could it be that she was actually Robert’s girlfriend from campus and that the kids were his and not another man’s as he claimed?
8. How come I am not surprised and hurt by this whole scenario?
9. How come one of my stalkers is using Bob’s twin brother’s name?
10. Who are all these strange people calling my UTL line?
11. Should I believe Bob’s cousin since we are good friends? After all, he called me a few days before all this happened asking what my programme for Christmas was like so that he could join me. I told him we could go for my friend’s wedding together which will be a few days after Christmas.

My Dear Blogger

2008-10-31T08:02:00.000-07:00

Trying to comment and opening my account takes me through a lot of trouble. So for the time being, I have moved.

Attracting Bees

2008-10-16T06:05:00.001-07:00

Since I work in a Christian school full of men of the cloth, my dress code has been long skirts and dresses. Ok, I admit. That is just an excuse to cover my legs because I hate them. I’ve always hated them since I was eight. I like telling my sister that if I had her legs, I would wear mini-skirts most of the time. She’s lucky she took Mom’s legs. Incidentally all the ladies in my Mom’s family took her grandmother’s shapely legs. Her grandma was a Mutoro. I am the only one that took Dad’s.

Today I wore a simple dress that reached just below my knees and I was shocked at the comments I received.

My Boss B: Eh! Mudamuli! You are so smart today. Are you rediscovering yourself? If you keep dressing like that, you will not find it hard to get a husband. A flower has to attract all the bees.

Male Student 1: (Enters office. He is an Anglican priest from TZ, married and usually speaks Swahili but today, he uses English. Asks for help with his course registration for next semester. I guide him and after I am through, he takes his time to get up. I noticed that when he led chapel today he was not his usual withdrawn self) Actually, Mudamuli today I am unusually happy. I don’t know why. I love your dress. You really look great in it. I’ve never seen you in such a dress ever since I came to this school.

Male Student 2 & 3: (Both enter office, inquire about whether they should redo a course they failed last semester. Then they pick some course registration forms and ask a few questions about the courses they are to register for. After I am through with helping them, they take their time to leave.) One of them speaks in a northern connection accent: Eh, but Mudamuli! Do you know today I first got confused when I saw you? I didn’t know that you were the one. That dress has made you so small and it really looks good on you.

The other student just smiled and nodded his approval. Earlier on I had seen him stop to gaze at me until I had greeted and walked past him.

This can only mean one thing; all along I have not been looking good at work. It’s a pity we haven’t got our September salary yet or else I would have gone on a shopping spree for more sexy dresses and skirts. The ones I have are not office friendly.
In other news, I am back with Bob. I wonder what he has to say about my dress.

Pictures by www.polishedprofessionalimage.com/images

I Failed

2008-09-30T07:28:00.000-07:00

I feel very bad that I failed
Not just you but myself.
To be honest
It makes me fret so
What person wouldn’t?
Can’t be relaxed
Can’t be free.
Feel like maybe it’s a weird state
That makes things that feel right seem bad.
Why is something plain taxing me?
Is there a problem?
Hardly conceivable
Very hard taking this now.
Accepting it
Will need strength.
To feel fine
In the midst
Of liabilities.

In Detention without Trial: Part II

2008-09-26T01:27:00.000-07:00

“I spend hours thinking about you,” he said one day during a telephone conversation that lasted almost an hour. He spoke many other things which I cannot remember because they were in parables.
“Are you asking me for a relationship?” I asked.
“Yes,” he said.
“What about my boyfriend Bob?”
“I knew Bob would pop up sooner than later. I thought of him that first night I called you. I knew I was risking calling you in case you lived with him but I said to myself, let me call the lady. But after calling you three nights in a row, it occurred to me that you don’t live with him. Here I am, with only the picture on your profile to look at but I am crazy about you. I can’t imagine why Bob should not be with such a wonderful lady. Maybe that is how older men behave…”

One thing led to another and before I knew it, we were in a relationship. A week later, he asked for us to meet at my place or his place. I told him I could not because my hair was not looking good and I did not want to get myself into a compromising situation with him.

“Samali, we are just going to chat and that’s all. Nothing will happen,” he said and so I agreed to meet him briefly at his place before he went to work.

When I met him, he looked even better than what I had seen in his pictures. He seemed more serious, courteous and well built than I had imagined. I also got the impression that he was trying to act like a much older man and perhaps that is why he chose to grow a goatee. I made a note at the back of my mind to convince him to remove it once he got used to me.

We sat down and talked about ourselves. It was the typical Ugandan bachelor residence, two-roomed with a small kitchen and bedroom. I made him read me a story I found on a paper lying on one of his beds as Kenny Rogers’ music played in the background. He had a single bed and a double bed. He showed me his album and fixed a drink for both of us. We talked about ourselves. I found him cheerful, exciting, awe-inspiring and fun to be with.

I am not sure how we started kissing. Everything I had ever known disapproved with what I was doing. My faith, occupation and society. Then there was the issue of the big age difference between us. I was eight years his senior. He did not like it whenever I mentioned the issue of age because to him it was no big deal. A part of me wanted to break all the rules and take the next move but I did not. I could not. And he respected my wish and left me alone.

A week later, my phone began ringing off the hook. It was Bob. He called seven times but I refused to pick my phone. He sent a text message apologising for what he had said and told me he still needed me. I put my phone on silent mode. He called four more times until he gave up.

The following week, Bob kept calling but I still would not pick my phone. On the fifth day, I decided to answer his phone. He asked me out for lunch. I told my awe-inspiring friend about it and he said, “It’s ok with me. I believe everyone deserves a second chance.”

I met Bob over lunch. He regretted the text message he sent me about him not being desperate and begged me to not to dump him because he needed me. I told him I had forgiven him but it was too late because I was already seeing someone even though I was not sure if our relationship would work out.

“I know that I will have to prove myself to you that I love you,” Bob said.

Right now, when I receive a love message from Bob, I respond positively because I do not want to hurt his feelings. He is my O.B and I respect him a lot. He is serious minded, hardworking, a perfectionist and a computer nerd. But I still prefer to call my awe-inspiring friend who has put my heart in detention without trial and whom I call several times a day. Last night when he called, he told me he loved me and I told him I loved him too. This morning Bob sent me a text message with hugs and kisses and I sent him the same.

In Detention without Trial: Part I

2008-09-25T05:24:00.000-07:00

For Igis & you, I.T.K

Fury. Anger. The anger and fury that was rising in me was voracious. Nothing could appease it. Or so I thought. It was nothing except the voice from the radio that appeased my anger.

His voice arrested my heart and put it in detention without trial. His voice was not only clear and persuasive, it was distinctive. I loved the way he said the word ‘you.’ He said it with such a sweet wooing emphasis that magnetized me.

Samantha, I am sure you can relate with this for when he mentioned that listeners could call in, I found myself doing so. I was on air before I could even think of what I was going to say. I mentioned something about my boyfriend not being there for me when I needed him and how his phone was always off at night. He gave me a few words of encouragement and then played him a song.

The following night I listened to his program again. This time there were several men calling into the show asking for financially stable ladies. I called in to present my disapproval about these men that showed more interest in the money a lady had than in being a friend. I briefly shared an experience I had had with such a man then I sent a text message to the station thanking him for the show. A few minutes later, he called and asked me to email my story so that he would read it on another show which comes on while I am still at work.

Although I missed hearing the show where my letter was read out, he called to let me know how it went. He liked the way I wrote and encouraged me to become a writer. I told him about my blogs and invited him to read them. We became friends after that.

Then I called my boyfriend one Friday afternoon to find out if we could meet that evening. For the nth time, he said he was busy and about to travel up-country. He said he would find time for us to meet after he returned the following week. I told him he might find me going out with another man. “I have never seen a woman so undecided like you. You go. In fact never, call or text me again. I am not desperate,” he said.

I Must Do It

2008-09-12T06:18:00.000-07:00

It
Have it
Give it or keep it
If I give it
It will cost
It will hurt
It will shame
I must do it
It is my task
It is my time
I must give it
I must lose it
It is my choice
That’s if I lose it

I Got a 'Dear Jane Letter'

2008-09-08T07:41:00.000-07:00

Dear John letters are said to have began during World War II by American troops. During this time, many of them were stationed in foreign countries for months or years and as time passed, a number of their wives or girlfriends decided to get into a relationship with a new man rather than wait for their old one to return. Other than beginning a letter with "Dear Johnny", "My dearest John", or simply "Darling”, these wives or girlfriends would start the letter with a curt "Dear John”.

A writer in the Democrat and Chronicle of Rochester, NY, summed it up in August 1945:

This Dear John letter came from an experiment used to make a break-up better and not hurt as much.

"Dear John," the letter began. "I have found someone else whom I think the world of. I think the only way out is for us to get a divorce," it said. They usually began like that, those letters that told of infidelity on the part of the wives of servicemen... The men called them "Dear Johns".

It is believed that the name John was used because it was a common one in America at the time. John is also the name used in many other terms that refer to an unidentified man or men, such as "John Doe" or "John Smith". It is also said that before World War II there existed a radio program starring Irene Rich which was presented as a letter written by a gossipy female character to her never-identified romantic interest. It was both titled and opened with the words "Dear John", and may have contributed to the use of the name.

These days, women have come to be subjected to such impersonal break-up letters as well. These are referred to as "Dear Jane" letters.

Over the weekend, I received the following ‘Dear Jane’ letter (read Short Message):

Dear Mudamuli,

You are the most undecided woman I ever met. How long will you keep going back to square one?

This relationship is over. Never text or call me again. I don’t need you.

Rob

Note: And stop calling me Bob. I am Rob.

But I’m in Passionate Love

2008-08-26T06:47:00.000-07:00

Dear Bob,

As I was having these tempting thoughts in my mind, I heard a sermon today in chapel from 1 Thessalonians 4 especially verses 3-5. “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honourable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God” (NIV). The thing is I am in passionate love. Does that make me a heathen? So I am back to square one.

Will you be willing to wait until the wedding day? That is why I was beginning to have those beguiling thoughts. You know quit my job, have your baby and get it over with before it’s too late. Don’t we both want to have babies?

We shall talk more when we meet. I wish you a quick recovery, dear.

Mudamuli

A Letter to Peace

2008-08-18T08:32:00.000-07:00

Dear Peace,

Thank you for your letter. Indeed you need to leave that work place of yours. We shall talk about the reasons when we meet face to face.

By the way, what do you think about the new Whitney Houston song ‘Like I never left’ that features Akon? When I first heard the intro ‘Akon & Whitney, yeah (Ohh yeah),’ I went to pieces. I thought I was going mad and hearing voices in my head. Somehow, the song didn’t do it for me. Maybe she could have sung it better without Akon. I don’t know.

Last week I was in a taxi going home thinking about Rasta Rob MC and wondering what he is up to. You can imagine my shock when I heard his voice on Super FM in a split second.

It happens a lot to me these days. You know, thinking about someone then I bump into the person or something then it turns out to be true. Like this Saturday, Bobby told me he was down with heavy flu. On Sunday morning something told me to warn him to take some anti-malarials as he might be coming down with Malaria. It turned out to be true. He called me to say he had come down with malaria.

And then of course you remember how we met. After my sister had given me her phone to talk to him, something told me he might be related to my face book friend. When I asked Bobby if he knew my face book friend, he said, “Very well. He’s my cousin. His Dad and mine were brothers.”

I’ve been so broke, Peace. Imagine we still haven’t got our July salary. I’ve been borrowing money from my sis who is about to start working again after 8 years of being a ‘stay at home Mom’ and my mother who has retired two years early from teaching. I feel so bad that I had to do so because I should be the one giving them money. But all my friends were broke so I had no where else to turn to. As I was thinking about these things, I thought of the song ‘sweet mother’ by Prince Nico Mbarga. I love the singing guitar in that song. It really does things to me.

Sweet Mother
Prince Nico Mbarga

Sweet mother I no go forget you
for the suffer wey you suffer for me.

Sweet mother I no go forget you
for the suffer wey you suffer for me.

When I dey cry, my mother go carry me--she go say,
my pikin [1] wetin you dey cry ye, ye,
stop stop, stop stop make you no cry again oh."

When I won sleep, my mother go pet me,
she go lie me well well for bed,
she cover me cloth, sing me to sleep,
"sleep sleep my pikin oh."

When I dey hungry, my mother go run up and down.
she go find me something when I go chop [2] oh.

Sweet mother I no go forget you for the suffer wey you suffer for me

When I dey sick, my mother go cry, cry, cry,
she go say instead when I go die make she die.

O, she go beg God,
"God help me, God help, my pikin oh."

If I no sleep, my mother no go sleep,
if I no chop, my mother no go chop, she no dey tire oh.

Sweet mother I no go forget you,
for the suffer wey you suffer for me

You fit get another wife, you fit get another husband,
but you fit get another mother? No!

And if I forget you, therefore I forget my life and the air I breathe.

And then on to you men, forget, verily, forget your mother,
for if you forget your mother you've lost your life.

Juiciest Fruits

2008-08-12T06:30:00.001-07:00

Darling wants my treasures so badly
Thereby defying ingrained principles
Taught during early times of our pubescence
Yet going against scruples
Cannot fail to beget extreme doubt,
Panic, anguish, pain and gloom.
I do not intend to be squashed out
But to blush, blaze, bud and bloom
Guarded by my spouse, prized and kept
Who knowing that no one held
That liberty to touch but him
He’ll declare, “I’m impelled
Towards juiciest fruits and my cream
That’s gathered for our feel”

My Face Book Friend & My Beau

2008-08-01T08:41:00.000-07:00

Face book found favour!
Bob’s cousins with D
Whom fortune brought using a web
Which shot with wit
Owing to a plea from D
To make friends by bits…by bytes scheme
It turns out Robert or ‘Bobby’ is my beau
He’s my beau from bliss, D

My Favourite Radio Ad Voices

2008-07-28T09:23:00.001-07:00

I love these Radio Ad Voices:

1. Hakeem the Dream, Capital FM
Hakeem has a melodious and lively voice that is pleasant to the ears.

2. Dr. Mitch Egwang (Uncle Mitch)
Uncle Mitch has a fast talking and humorous voice. (By the way, even when he is speaking French, Luo and Luganda. Not that he has done adverts in these languages.)

3. DJ Ronnie, Capital FM
DJ Ronnie’s mellow, smooth, deep and powerful baritone voice makes you feel safe.

4. Ernest Wasake, Vision Voice
Ernest (Dennis and Esquire’s brother) has a clear, cultured and silver-tongued voice that grabs your attention and makes you picture a man whose looks would turn heads. If you asked me, he sounds more like Dennis than Esquire because the latter’s voice has some tranquillity in it similar to that of a modest man.

5. Hussein Lumumba
Hussein’s voice is slightly nasal. Like someone with a cold and yet at the same time, it’s with clear pronunciation. He still sounds smooth when he speaks French, Swahili and Lingala in normal conversation.

6. Roger Mugisha, KFM
Roger has a bright and breezy voice that lifts up your spirits on a gloomy day.

7. "Are you ready?" voice behind the Wyclef Jean concert advert if it is not no.4's

8. The voice behind the MTN kwata cash advert is like no.1’s

A Call from Bobby

2008-07-15T09:26:00.000-07:00

“Meet me today class mate of puberty
Meet me here for a movie or two please.
Meet me here, there, I am dying, longing to behold
I’ve searched for you up and down and now you’re found
I’ve grown tall and huge these days, my friend.”

“Come meet you here, you said you Old Boy
Here you barely managed to find me
Bobby, I am scared to blunder, slip-up or err
Suppose, suppose
Your dread comes to pass
Suppose you don’t want hair like mine?
Come meet you? Suppose dinner isn’t my thing?
What if I don’t excite your fancy,
Ruining your day with my qualms?"

The 'Obama Times'

2008-07-02T06:06:00.000-07:00

Imagine me as a radio news reader, a news tale before me on paper, complex words in teensy-weensy print for the Obama Times.

Create mentally a picture of my face book friend whom I have never met and who owns the Obama Times, turning over pages where I should read since I seem to use so much effort in reading the long sentences. Then I stumble on the word Tsvangirai and pronounce it like I have heard it on the news chang-girr-IGH (-ch as in church; -ng-g as in finger; -irr as in mirror; -igh as in high). The pronunciation of this word has stirred up public and media interest, inside and outside the BBC because of different opinions of how the Shona -tsv cluster should be pronounced in English.

Then I awake.

I send a text message to my friends about the dream and one of them responds, 'Maybe there is something to the dream. Email your face book friend about it and see.'

However, after flipping my mind through the dream, I realised that dreams can be a sham.

There should have been a teleprompter so that I would not need to look down at the print. At least a teleprompter would have helped me appear to have memorized the speech and so speak spontaneously, smoothly, without any hesitation or mistakes.

It should have been a simple, brief and easy to read news report with short sentences that could easily be read with a single breath.

The font should have been average sized and the words written in the present tense since it was broadcast news. This would give the report more of an "action" feel and add more drama.

Names should have been in phonetic spelling so that they are pronounced correctly. For example pronunciation would be pruh-nun-si-AY-shuhn.

There was nothing to this dream. Besides, I am sure there is no newspaper called the Obama times.

Omega

2008-06-25T07:02:00.000-07:00

Let me brag today. After all, it is not everyday that I have reason to do so.

My Dolls & Photos
She is one of the few people who met my dolls Sarah and Tina. I still have that photo Daddy took of Noelle (my sis), her, Alpha (her brother) and I holding Tina and my sister’s doll Kate. The photo was taken the day Daddy bought Tina and Kate.

I even have a photo of Alpha and her when she was barely a year old and used to call me Thiamali - a name that her Mom still calls me by sometimes. At the time that this photo was taken, her Mom was a nurse at Kaimosi Friends Hospital in Western Kenya and my Mom a teacher at Kaimosi Girls High School. However, her stay in Kenya was short-lived as her family returned to Uganda a year later.

I have another photo of Aunt Trudy, Clovis, Noelle and I taken at the Ambassadors of Hope children’s home in Luweero when she was twelve.

Her Early Songs & Humour
We always loved it when she and Alpha visited us. She was only three years old but I looked up to her in spite of the big age difference between us. We all loved her singing voice and her nursery rhymes made us happy. I remember us asking her to sing E je lino over and over again even when we could not speak Luganda. We would often ask her to recite:

Rat-a-tat-tat! Who is that?
Only grandma’s pussy-cat.
What do you want?
A pint of milk.
Where is your money? In my pocket.
Where is your pocket? I forgot it.
Oh, you silly pussy-cat!

I used to love how she sang with the African Children’s Choir. I still remember Lee William’s Jesus is Alive and well which she sang at many music concerts in various churches when she was about ten years old. I liked the way she sang ‘he he he he’ after this part:

Right now he's sitting on
right hand of the father
pleading for you, you, and I
Tell for me and everybody you see
Jesus is alive and well

She is Omega Bugembe Okello…

I remember that whenever she would be asked to introduce herself, she would say, “Nze Omega Bugembe Mukyala Subi...Alexi!" The musical lilt she would use after the pause was hilarious and to think that she was only three years old! There is a story behind how she got the ‘Mukyala Subi Alexi’ name but I do not remember it.

She taught my sister how to dance maganda when my sister was in P.6 and she was in P.4.
Nowadays
Aunt Trudy was in Uganda a few months ago and she told me that Omega is putting on a benefit concert on August 29, 2008 at the Serena Hotel in Kampala to aid the maternity ward for Mulago Hospital. The proceeds from the concert will go directly to purchasing surgical beds for high-risk pregnancy women who often need surgery in order to save mother and baby.

For more information about her read:
http://www.omegaworldmusic.com/
http://kabiza.com/OutofAfrica-Too-Ezine-Omega-May2007.htm
http://www.jamati.com/online/music/omega-bugembe-okello-the-singing-health-advocate
http://www.ugpulse.com/articles/daily/Entertainment.asp?id=662
http://allafrica.com/stories/200707091357.html
http://simplelight.wordpress.com/2008/05/25/new-cd-from-omega-okello

A Deer in the Headlights

2008-06-18T08:00:00.000-07:00

When I met O.J that evening, he seemed tired and troubled.

“I have something to tell you, Tess. I don’t know how you will take it,” he said.
“Go on, tell me,” I said.

He sighed very deeply and stared at the table. “I’m leaving you, Tess.”

I could not believe what I was hearing. Just four weeks before, I had been with him and he was calling me his ‘silicon dream’ as we made passionate love. Now, he was leaving me.

“What?” I said.
“Its…over,” he said. “I am sorry. The last time we had a misunderstanding and stopped seeing each other, my ex girlfriend came back. She is three weeks pregnant now and I am going to marry her next month. After the wedding, I will join her in the U.K where she works as a nurse.”

I felt like a deer in the headlights. I did not know whether to tell him I was expecting his child or not. I could not believe that history was about to repeat itself. I could not believe that I had made the same mistake with another man. A mistake I had vowed never to make.

Before I met O.J, my ex-boyfriend had left me pregnant with our son J.J and married someone else. I was lucky to have a job that earned me enough to look after my son and I for J.J’s father never believed that it was his baby. I had been going out with him for three years until we broke up one day. He told me his family could not accept me. They had found a more suitable partner for him. The last time we met is the day J.J was conceived.

Two years after J.J’s birthday, I met O.J at a party and he asked me if I could dance with him.

He was stunning. And funny.

After the dance, he asked me to join him for a drink and we became friends after that. We went out quite often. He met my family and he got along famously with J.J.

After six months of dating, we began talking about marriage and then somewhere along the way, we stopped seeing each other after a huge fight.

Then one day, I realised I had all the signs. I was tired, nauseated and slept a lot. I felt that I wanted to see him again. I thought he would be thrilled to know that we were going to have a baby. Now he was telling me he was leaving me for someone else. He was going to hang me out to dry.

A few weeks later, I saw their wedding on ‘Abagole ba wiki’, a TV programme that showed weddings of the week.

Around the same time, I received an email from him saying he was sorry about everything. Since he did not give me a chance to speak the last time, I chose not to tell him that I was expecting his baby.

Living for Others

2008-05-29T04:22:00.000-07:00

It was betrayal. I betrayed my best friend. My best friend with whom we shared our most intimate secrets with complete trust. I cried as I thought of how much I longed to write to him. Him who made me feel like I had stabbed my friend in the back. Why was life unfair to me? Why was it impossible for me to be happy without hurting my loved ones?

For the sake of our loved ones, we both chose to stop seeing each other. We vowed never to reveal anything about our love to my friend. My dearest friend.

“I wish you well,” he said the last time we met. Four words that broke my heart. Four words that made me feel as though a part of me was dead.

I avoided my friend especially after he married her. I could not bear to be in the same room as he. I could not bear to see them together even though I longed to see her.

I met the man who became my husband a few months after their wedding. We got married after 6 months of courtship. Ours was an extraordinary relationship for even though I loved him, I felt no chemistry for him. No physical attraction. The first time we made love, I was disillusioned. Nothing had prepared me for the sharp pain I felt. After many years of marriage, I learnt to endure the whole process in order to prove to my husband that I loved him.

Even though I was not as happy as I wanted to be, I consoled myself with the fact that I had made sacrifices for the sake of other people’s happiness. I had given up the love of my life for the sake of my closest confidant’s happiness. I had got married to another man because that is what was expected of me. I had given up my career to take care of my husband and children.

All those feelings of strength changed one day when I saw him on TV. His hair was streaked with white now but he was still good-looking. Ah, the tragedy of life! Why do most men look hotter with age? Why do white streaks, especially in black hair, look very sexy on some men? I could not forget his puppy-dog eyes. Looking into those eyes always made me feel faint. I could do anything for him with those eyes.

He had added on some weight but he could still be described as tall and lanky. He had become famous for his writings and was presenting a paper at a conference in Makerere University.

Hearing his voice made me remember a poem I had tried to write 26 years before. 'A Voice so Sweet’ I called it and it read:

I can hear his voice right now
It chimes so very clearly
A voice treacly
Each sound distinct and clear
So slowly spoken
All words exact
All words crisp
Can you discern whose it belongs to?
My ray of sun that brings me warmth
His tone cradles me very well
Its silky brass jingles
Smoothly, sweetly
Like a daisy in bloom
As I long
For that day
of opportunities

Why Dogs are Amazing

2008-05-22T01:38:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, at the Wandegeya traffic lights crossing, I noticed a stray dog beside me. I was amused at the way it stopped patiently with the rest of the pedestrians and crossed the road together with them at the right time.

That left me thinking, ‘Was the dog just copying what the pedestrians were doing or was it aware of the dangers of crossing the road while vehicles were still moving?’

According to research by Friederike Range and Ludwig Huber, of the University of Vienna, and Zsofia Viranyi, of the Eötvös University in Budapest, dogs like human infants, do not simply copy an action they observe, but adjust the extent to which they imitate to the circumstances of the action.

Normally, dogs prefer to use the mouth when faced with a task of opening a container by pulling a rod. However, in the study, a female dog was trained to open the box with her paw. When the other dogs observed the female's action, they imitated it in order to get the food. However, the dogs imitated selectively. They used their mouths instead of their paws for manipulating the rod when they had seen the demonstrating dog using her paw while holding a ball in her mouth. However, when the demonstrating dog's mouth was free, the dogs imitated her action completely and used the paw themselves.

The dogs sensed that the female dog was unable to use her mouth because she had a ball in it so they chose the easier, more preferred way to achieve the goal. But when the mouth was free, there seemed to be a reason for the demonstrating dog not to use her mouth, and so the dogs imitate the action.

Do you have anything to share about what dogs can do?

I saw a documentary yesterday on NTV on many amazing things about dogs especially their sense of smell. I remember my late father narrating to my mother and I a story he had heard on BBC about this dog that kept sniffing, snuffling and becoming agitated whenever he sat at his master’s leg or something. Indeed, when she checked with her doctor, it turned out she had cancer.

ScienceDaily 27 April 2007. 22 May 2008 http://www.sciencedaily.com /releases/2007/04/070426145103.htm

Photo by www.petplanet.co.uk/.../news_story13_old2.htm

Life’s Woes

2008-05-13T05:04:00.000-07:00

I can’t sleep,
My thoughts deep
Stunning, shocking,
How all sin,
Even the saint.

I can’t sleep,
With qualms deep,
Hush-hush tales,
Not to trail.

I can’t sleep,
On loads deep,
Feeling sadness, misery
For life’s tests,
For life’s woes.

I can’t sleep,
I can’t alienate,
Life’s woes.

What Makes Him Wise

2008-05-07T06:21:00.002-07:00

He loves to be captain,
To take risky commissions,
Ponder all solo,
Solo finding life that will keep him lured,
For passion’s in being lured.
He’s useful here,
He’s useful there,
Then conducts lone speeches for later.
It is called relevance
It is called astuteness
To think of next
To think of dawn.

Inspired by his post.

Never Post Your Real Name

2008-04-28T08:31:00.000-07:00

A name is like a tip-off
Giving trivia
Like what you did
Today
Whatever former things you performed
Who you are linked to and not
Therefore
Never reveal it
On a blog accessed
By every body
For it could be
Read by a friend or foe.

Lol

2008-04-25T00:34:00.000-07:00

Thanks, Simon for this.

The Hague Awaits Me

2008-04-03T07:42:00.000-07:00

So am to sign a peace accord,
No body guards and guns.
Peace accord I will not sign,
That is their monkey trick,
They want to arrest me on signing.
Let my sickness carry on for ever,
My place not be ready.
Hague waits for me,
But I will not go,
Let justice obtain new ways,
To bring me to order and reproof,
Tomorrow.
I hope I’ll be dead by morning,
I hope I’ll be dead then,
And wait for the Day of Judgment,
That is called the last day.

I Need to Think

2008-03-26T08:06:00.000-07:00

Messages from Samantha

I am back. Tired. Bored. I have been away for three weeks. For two weeks I was down with Malaria and lack of appetite and then we had a half-term holiday during the Easter week. I wish my bosses could leave me alone to think. To write my own things. I wish there are no minutes for me to take. Not now.

Boss B is still on his way to Uganda. Boss A says we have a meeting. Prepare four chairs, he says.

Boss A is there with three people. The fourth person has not come but will I please take the minutes? Sure, I say.

I am mad. I am angry. I am furious. As furious as Martin Sempa must be about the fact that his White House address is going to change from Makerere Road to ‘Col. Muammar Gadaffi Road.’ Wali consult nani?

The meeting begins. They talk ad infinitum. They express their opinions on a subject I care less about. My ears wrestle to collect sound waves to the eardrum and take notes. My brain cries for freedom to listen to more exciting auditory sensation. My mouth wants to screech but I stop it.

J and I should wed in April. May would not be a bad idea. What church will wed us? Or should we go to Amamu House? He says his family will want a big wedding because they have always wanted to see him with a senora and a couple of juniors.

Will we enjoy our marriage? I seem not to enjoy anything physical. Maybe it is just a phase. Overrated. Yes, that must be it. Kissing and all. How will we have kids if we don’t do it? He asks. I will find a way of getting myself to do it then, I tell him.

His phone has been having problems. It is hardly ever on. I told him to buy a new one after I had told him it was over between us and then we had met and made up. The phone is permanently off now because he does not want to be reminded of the fracas. He does not want to throw it away though because it is the phone he used to get me the first time. He loved it then. Worshipped it. Waited on it all the time in case I called or sent him a text message. He did not know what I looked like but each time he looked at his phone, he would imagine my picture without a face. Sometimes I was a cartoon. Other times I was a figure without a face.

The meeting is over. Got to type the minutes before I forget what was yapped away.