Tom Writes to Jerry

Dear Jerry,

I have done a lot of thinking about what my workers have said about having you arrested once you set foot on my organization. It is said that you have been killing cows. I want you to know that the views expressed by my workers are their own and do not necessarily represent my views. I mean you and I have shared a strong passion for cow milk for ages. I know you can’t kill cows except perhaps for their meat, another of our delicacy.

The main reason I decided to write you this letter is because our organization could do well with some funding since the credit crunch has bitten us. You see one of the conditions for our organization to get funding is to become a member of the Tea with Milk crew so I joined. Voluntarily. Nobody forced me to join. All members of the Tea with Milk crew must arrest anyone found to be killing cows.

Secondly, you know how much I love cows. If I fail to arrest you, the other members of the crew might kill my cows in revenge. I do not want that to happen. If I lose my cows, where will my crew get their tea with milk from, let alone their bread with butter, cheese and cow ghee?

I want you to know that I am very sorry for what my workers said and this is a special letter from me to you, saying please don’t come to visit us. My hands are tied. Once you set foot here, I will have no option but to arrest you for the wellbeing of my cows.

Love,

Tom

Disclaimer
The characters in this letter are entirely imaginary and any resemblance to persons living or dead or actual events is purely coincidental.

What was Your Favourite Song?

“Good morning, listeners,” Pepper said. “And with The King of Pop being laid to rest today. As a tribute to him, we have a question for you. What is your favourite Michael Jackson song? We’d like to hear from you. The number to call is 2345678 on all networks.”

“My favourite of MJ’s song was Speechless. It sounds so heavenly,” said Charlie, her co-host.

“Mine is Billy Jean because of the moonwalk,” Pepper broke in.

In the background is ‘heal the world’.

“Hello” said someone on the line. “People are dying in Soroti and you are here talking about MJ. Even you Pepper? Your uncle’s wife comes from Soroti but you can’t even think of talking about her people?”

“Wait a minute. Listen to me young man and listen well. You have no right to tell me what is right and what is wrong. Before you ask me, what have you done for the people in Soroti? At least for me I haven’t only helped people from Soroti but I have helped people from other places as well,” Pepper retorted.

“Besides, this is the only day we have to talk about MJ. We have the rest of the days to talk about Soroti…Some people don’t know what we go through to prepare for our shows,” Charlie added.

“I am so mad at that caller. Oh! I feel insulted…(takes a deep breath). Let me grab some coffee,” she went on.

“The point of this show is to remember and celebrate MJ’s life, accomplishments and to provide closure for his fans and for those who loved him. If you were not his fan, would you at least allow those of us who were remember him…Besides, MJ was a great entertainer, who achieved extraordinary success and forever changed the face of the music industry…anyway, coming up is ‘beat it.’

"Hello. I loved Michael Jackson but I will never forgive him for losing his sweet smile. Before the surgery MJ had the sweetest smile ever. And eyes too. If I could lay my hands on the doctor responsible for changing his smile…I don’t know what I would do to him. He just completely ruined his lovely face," Mudamuli said.

Your Words Sting

Mudamuli…Mudamuli! How shall I describe you? Your words are feathers that catch their target by surprise because…they sting!



And you seem to know the quickest formulae to provocation.



Otherwise, are you well? Do tell.



You seem to have a special liking for Eggie these days but let me warn you. He hates surprises. If you want to be his friend, don’t keep making disappearing acts. As for Cucumber, he loves attention. The more you ignore him, the crazier he gets. As for me, I get bored easily and when I do, I move on to the next exciting thing or person. I don't kwelumya. I like to enjoy life to the fullest without any qualms. Especially when it comes to women. Like the gorgeous lady I met last week. She had the perfect manicure and pedicure. We had a good time but Pepper is still the one I want.



By the way, who is this Tamzel? Is she your sister? I found her post about me very amusing. How did she know I loved baking? Hmmm. Maybe I should give her a call one of these days and see what happens. Could you please send me her number?



Lots of it,



Carrot

The Poor Young Man

To appreciate Michael Jackson, you must try to put yourself in his shoes and see why he was the way he was. People saw Michael Jackson through different lenses. While to some he was nothing more than a paedophile and a man who was so ashamed of his black skin that he bleached it, others saw him as a legend but a man all the same with weaknesses like any other human being.

So I start with the death of Michael Jackson. On January 25, 2009, he was reported dead. I could not believe that the King of Pop could be dead. I first heard the breaking news on Vision Voice from Earnest Wasake a few minutes after 1 a.m. I could not believe that I was the first to break the news to my Mom because she is always on the BBC. But by the time the news of his death came, Mom had already switched off her radio and was asleep. I woke her up and broke the news to her. At that time there were conflicting reports about MJ’s status. Some stations were saying he was in a critical condition while one had already reported him as dead.

“The poor young man,” my Mom who is 59 years old said. I smiled at the fact that MJ was only 9 years younger than her but even to me he was still that young man on whose music I grew up.

I sent a message to several friends about it and this morning, when my cousin asked to find out if he was alright, I said to him, “No. Michael Jackson is dead. It has been confirmed on CNN” even though I have not had the chance to watch TV today. He was pronounced dead at 12:21 pm PST. I heard that he died at UCLA Medical Center after being stricken at his rented home in Holmby Hills. Paramedics tried to resuscitate him at his home for nearly three-quarters of an hour, then rushed him to the hospital, where doctors continued to work on him.

"It is believed he suffered cardiac arrest in his home. However, the cause of his death is unknown until results of the autopsy are known," his brother Jermaine said.

It was last Saturday when I was listening to MJ being talked about on the History of Music on Vision Voice from 11 a.m to 1 p.m that I reflected on how misunderstood he was. It was not my first time to see him in a different light. I saw in Michael Jackson an extremely talented man who came to stardom at a tender age and was only trying to maintain the image of what a star should look like not because of anything he is accused of being but because of what was happening to his body. Everything that I listened to about him that day strengthened my conviction on this point.

In Michael Jackson, I saw a perfectionist owing to the fact that his father Joseph used to sit in a chair with a belt in his hand as he and his siblings rehearsed and if they did not get it right, he would ‘tear them up’. About his being a perfectionist, Michael Jackson said and I quote, “I'm never pleased with anything, I'm a perfectionist, it's part of who I am.”

For the concert that was to take place in July, Michael Jackson had demanded that all the children in his choir know sign language. He sent an email telling promoters AEG the requirements he wants for his team of young singers.

A source said: "Normally when we cast choirs for acts, it's quite a laborious task. But in this case, it's proving a near impossibility. Jackson is a perfectionist and wants it exactly right and that means every child being able to do sign language."

"AEG are desperate to keep him happy and so are pulling out all the stops to make it happen. But it's a race against time."

MJ also wanted the choir to be made up of "exactly equal" numbers of black, white, mixed-race and Asian children.

Jackson asked for six snare drummers and banned them from having beards.
Another email read: "They must be young adults, clean-cut and of mixed ethnicity."

"They must be real drummers, so please do not waste our time suggesting people who are not."

That he could play the tambourine for the Jackson Brothers (a band formed by his brothers Jackie, Tito and Jermaine) at the age of 5 showed that he was a naturally gifted musician. He later began performing backup vocals and dancing. At the age of eight, he and his brother Jermaine assumed lead vocals, and the group's name was changed to The Jackson 5. Michael is the one who led the song that won a major local talent show in 1966 with renditions of Motown hits and James Brown’s ‘I Got You (I Feel Good).”

My notions about Michael Jackson changing his nose because he did not want an African nose were discarded when I learnt that in 1979, he broke his nose during a complex dance routine. His subsequent rhinoplasty surgery was not a complete success; he complained of breathing difficulties that would affect his career. He was referred to Dr. Steven Hoefflin, who performed Jackson's second rhinoplasty and other subsequent operations.

About Michael Jackson changing his skin color, my thoughts that he bleached his skin because he wanted to appear white flew to Mars when I learnt that he had Vitiligo or what the Baganda call ‘Abalongo Bamwokyeza’ or something like that. My mother told me this morning that even a certain Ugandan musician who she taught in S.1 has it. I remember she used to have white patches on her skin and incidentally, she happens to be a…Alright, let me stop at that because I would not want to reveal who she is. Vitiligo is a disorder in which white patches of skin appear on different parts of the body. This happens because the cells that make color in the skin are destroyed. Vitiligo may also run in families. Michael Jackson’s grandfather or someone on his father’s side had it. My Mom told me that his sister La-Toya has it too.

When his dermatologist, Dr Arnold Klien diagnosed vitiligo and lupus (a disease that turns the body’s defenses against the body itself) in Michael in 1980s, he began using pancake makeup in order to even out his skin blotches on his arms, hands, nose, lips and so on.

Whereas it is obvious that the structure of his face changed as well and as a result several surgeons speculated that Jackson had undergone multiple surgeries, I now believe that he did not think people would accept a star with bad looks. He had to go for a forehead lift, thinned lips and a cheekbone surgery to ‘look good.’

Secondly, changes to his face could be partly attributed to the fact that he was losing weight in order to have "a dancer's body". Witnesses reported that Jackson was often dizzy and speculated that he was suffering from anorexia nervosa. Some medical professionals have publicly stated their belief that the singer had body dysmorphic disorder, a psychological condition whereby the sufferer has no concept of how they are perceived by others.

We are on holiday so I came to work at around 11 a.m. On my way to work, I was surprised to note that outside the media, life seemed to be going on as usual as if no King of Pop had just died. The only thing that linked anything around me to Michael Jackson’s passing was when my taxi dropped me off behind a vehicle with the words ‘Cardiac Ambulance.’ I will remember Michael Jackson for his music and incredible talent. His music has and always will remind me of my brother Michael dancing during his teenage days at Kings College Budo. His music also reminds me of those good old days when Dad was still alive and life was simple and interesting.

Adopted from:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Jackson
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thriller - Photo

http://igossip.com/gossip/Michael_Jackson_Demands_The_Children_s_Choir_In_His_Conce

Carrot's Reply

Dear Mudamuli,

I like it when her hair is all out. Girl, is she hot! She was wearing this…ok, let me not bore you but the thing is, I love her…

Yesterday I sat near her but I couldn’t think straight. She is extremely beautiful. I mean, how do you describe someone that is more beautiful than the sunset? You should see this picture I have of her. And I am not saying that because of anything else. I think she is. She has this mystery around her that I find more intriguing than the moon. I want to be with her all the time. I think I can learn a lot from being with her.

I think I love her. More than I would want to admit. I hate the fact that we cannot be together because she’s already seeing someone else. But you never know, one day…

Bye for now,

Carrot

To Carrot, My Dear One

Dear Carrot,

Ever since you told me you liked her, I have never been able to admit that I love her books. I hate it that her writing is always interesting even without her trying. Now that you mention it, I think she is pretty though not in an obvious way.

Boy, I’m so jealous of her!

I am sure any books I write will not be devoured with the same relish I have for yours. Yet are you that interesting? Yes and no. Yes because you always have an independent mind and no because I rarely understand what you are saying.

Would that I found something I would completely dislike about you. But there is none. Your weaknesses seem to make you even more irresistible.

My heart is spilling over with thoughts about you. My brain is jam-packed with nothing but you. Obsession. That is what it is.

Enough for now,

Mudamuli

I Have Lost It

Boy, is he charming! Why am I the only one that sees that? But then, I’ve always liked the weird things and dudes.

My London pics are finally here but I need to reinstall some programme on my computer for me to be able to use the scanner at work. I am praying for my own laptop and digital camera.

Tamzel, I am sorry. I couldn’t post anything for you. It is clear I have completely lost my writing spirit. Carsozy, Sleek, Dare devil and the rest, I wish I could write like you. Cavalier, Princess, Comrade, I miss your posts. Iwaya, glad your deep posts are back. Nev, welcome back. Cheri, I miss you. As for Baz, I know he’ll be back.

Oh and Dennis Matanda. Glad your blog is back too.

And I finally got round to reading Half of a Yellow Sun by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. Mom was surprised I hadn't read it all this while. She also has The Blind Assassin by Margaret Atwood and The Pirate's Daughter by Robert Girardi which I'll read next.

Annoying, huh? I just can’t think of what to post, you see.